Now where's your picket fence, love?
by sentimental boy
Summary: One mistake changes James' life forever and his friends don't stick around to help him pick up the pieces. Three years later, they come back. Loosely based on 'Gives You Hell' by The All-American Rejects. Slash. Pairings at the end of first chapter.
1. Big Time Rush finally speaks out

**I have _way_ too many unfinished stories, but I tried and tried and couldn't get this idea out of my head...**

* * *

James sat silently in his bedroom with his new issue of Rolling Stone lying on his lap. The familiar faces of his three best friends stared up at him. They hadn't spoken in years and a twinge of longing ran through his veins as he wished hopelessly that maybe they'd be able to work things out one of these days. It had been almost three years and his hopes for a happy reunion dwindled a bit more with each passing day. He knew deep down that things would never be like they were before.

The headline read 'Big Time Rush finally speaks out on losing James Diamond'.

He wasn't even sure why he matter to the article; a majority of the bands success had occurred once he was gone. That didn't stop every interviewer from asking what had caused the band of four hockey playing best friends turn into a trio. The guys had been good about keeping the reason under wraps and steering the conversation in a different direction, but James knew they'd have to talk about it someday.

He found out about the article on some trashy entertainment news show. The 'reporters' had been covering a post that Kendall had sent out on Scuttlebutter that said 'Oooh… Just read the Rolling Stone interview… Pretty harsh… Wonder if James will read it… Hmm… Do I care?' and James knew he had to buy the magazine.

Purchasing it was the easiest part; it took all of James' strength not to toss the magazine in the trash and try to forget that all of this ever happened. Forgetting was never as easy as it was on TV or in movies or in books or in songs or as other people made it seem. Forgetting wasn't possible for him; he'd tried for a while and things hadn't gone too well. So he held his breath and flipped straight to the article, scanning quickly for his name.

_**Rolling Stone: **__You guys never answer this question, but you know I have to ask. What happened to James Diamond?_

_**Logan: **__It was more creative differences than it was anything else._

_**Carlos: **__Yeah, he didn't like where we were headed._

_**Kendall: **__Can I answer this for real? I'm tired of always giving the bullshit answer of 'creative differences'. [pause] James left the band because his parents made him. He knocked up the girl I was dating._

_**Rolling Stone: **__Jo Taylor?_

_**Kendall: **__ [nods] I think that the big problem was that I was 16. When you're 16, you think your relationship is perfect. You don't think that one of your best friends is going to have sex with your girlfriend in a supply closet. You can't think anything more than 'Gosh, I really like Jo! I wonder where she went'. I didn't get to find out that they had sex until Jo said 'Surprise! I'm having a baby!' and that's when reality sets in and you're like 'Oh my god… I never had sex with this girl…'._

James rolled his eyes. Of course Kendall wouldn't give them the _whole_story. It was in Kendall's best interest to only tell the part of the story that painted James as the bad guy.

_**Rolling Stone: **__Do you know if it's they'd done anything like that in the past?_

_**Kendall: **__No, but James did kiss Logan's ex, Camille, so I guess I should have been looking out for that. Thank God nothing further happened with that. Then again, Logan's realized some important things about himself since then, so maybe it was for the best._

_**Carlos: **__I'd say it definitely was._

James smiled softly to himself. A few months before he'd left the band, Logan had realized that he was gay and had started dating Carlos. The pair had recently come out and the press still loved covering it.

_**Rolling Stone: **__Speaking of relationships, are you seeing anyone right now, Kendall?_

_**Kendall: **__I haven't really had a relationship since what happened with James and Jo. I've had a few short ones, but none of them mattered much._

James rolled his eyes. He constantly saw Kendall on TV or on the cover of the latest magazine with whatever starlet was hottest at that time. He didn't think Kendall was even trying. Kendall was the cause of his own unhappiness.

He couldn't help, but think how fitting it was because Kendall was the cause of his too. If Kendall would have just broken up with like he'd promised, none of this would even be happening...

* * *

**Pairings: James/Jo, Kendall/Jo, Kames, minor Cargan.**

**Should I continue? :P**


	2. Working in his dad's hardware store

**It seems as though the general consensus is that I should write more of this, so here you go.**

_**Italics**_** are flashbacks.**

* * *

James hated working in his dad's hardware store. It was boring and his mind always wandered to the past.

_James ran the brush though his hair one last night. He had to make his hair perfect. Everything had to be perfect tonight for two reasons. One, it was he and Kendall's second anniversary. Two, Kendall was finally breaking up with Jo. James honestly couldn't remember a time where he'd been more excited._

Drill bits go on aisle seven.

_"You look nice tonight," Kendall said with a grin as he pulled James into a hug._

_"I was hoping I did," James replied as leaned into Kendall's hug. "I just want everything to go okay tonight."_

_"It will! I promise!"_

_James believed it because Kendall always kept his promises._

'Clean up on aisle 12!' Paint aisle. James grabbed a mop and wondered exactly when his life had become so mundane.

_The pair kissed a few times in the elevator on the way down to the lobby, but pulled away quickly once the doors flew open. Kendall wanted to keep their relationship as secret as possible; the only people allowed to know about it were Mrs. Knight, Katie and the guys._

A group of teenagers had purposely knocked over an entire rack of paint cans. The fumes made James sick to his stomach, but he had to clean it up to get paid.

_Kendall and James walked out to the pool where, much to Mr. Bitters' objections, the kids at the Palmwoods were throwing Jo a birthday party._

_"I'll talk to Jo. You talk to Carlos and Logan or something and we'll meet back here in fifteen minutes, okay?"_

Some idiot kid kicked the giant pile wood near the back of the store so James had to go restack it all.

_When James walked up, Carlos had just whispered something to Logan who was giggling._

"_Hey guys," James said with a smile._

_The pair looked up._

"_Oh, hey James," Carlos said as he grabbed Logan's hand. "What's up?"_

"_Kendall's talking to Jo right now."_

_Carlos and Logan nodded. _

"_He's breaking up with her tonight, right?" Logan asked._

"_Yeah," James replied and hoped that he didn't sound half as excited about it as he thought he did._

The wood was almost halfway stacked when James put one block on the pile in a slightly off position and the whole thing came tumbling back down. He cursed quietly to himself and began again.

_Fifteen minutes flew by and the next thing James knew, Kendall was standing right next to him._

"_Can we talk?" Kendall asked. _

_He sounded a bit distraught so James only nodded and followed Kendall._

James got to clean the windows next. He hated cleaning the windows, but it was a hell of a lot easier than stacking the wood had been.

"_I can't break up with her tonight," Kendall said with a frown._

_James glared at him. "Are you seriously trying to put this off?"_

"_It's her birthday…"_

"_Kendall! This is the fifth time that you've done this! Either you tell her it's over between you guys or it's over between us!"_

_Kendall bit his lip. "James…"_

"_That's enough of an answer for me," James said before storming off._

The window washing spray smelled disgusting. It was supposed to smell like lemons, but it smelled more like chemicals.

_James spent the next few hours sitting in a chair by the pool alone._

_"Are you okay?" Camille asked as she slid into the chair next to him._

_James didn't look up. He just stared down at his hands._

_"It was a breakup, huh?"_

_James nodded._

_"Details, now."__  
_  
"The windows are streaked pretty badly, James," Mr. Diamond said with a frown. "You can't keep doing a half-ass job! If you weren't my son, you probably wouldn't have this job anymore."

_"I got dumped for someone else..."_

_Camille nodded. "Well, do you think she still has feelings for you?"_

_It took a second for James to realize that Camille thought he was dating a girl and that __**she**__ really meant Kendall._

_"Oh, I __**know**__ she does…"_

_"Make her jealous!"_

_James nodded and smirked because he knew __**exactly**__ how to make Kendall jealous._

James finally got all the streaks out of the window. He sighed. His dad was so particular about things. They had to be done **precisely** how he expected or you'd have to do it again until you could produce his desired results.

_James didn't know where Kendall had gone, but he wasn't with Jo._

_James walked up to Jo. "Hey..."_

_"Hey James," she smiled. "What's up?"_

_"Can we talk? It's about you and Kendall's relationship..."_

_"Sure..."_

_Jo sounded skeptical and James knew she had every right to._

_"He was gonna break up with you tonight and the only reason that he didn't was because it's your birthday... But don't worry... I know just how you can get back at him..."_

Finishing nails go on aisle nine.

_James hadn't intended on having sex with Jo; things just got out of hand. He'd taken her into the supply closet so they could make out when a voice in the back of his head kept telling him how much more jealous Kendall would get if the pair actually had __**sex**__. He only repeated everything the voice told him._

_James looked at Jo. "I changed my mind... We should __**not**__ tell Kendall."_

_Jo nodded. "Our little secret... He never has to know."_

_"No one ever has to know..."_

James glanced at the large clock that hung over the doorway and smiled. His shift was **finally **over. He pulled his keys out of his pocket and was out the door as fast as his legs would take him.

_Keeping things a secret went surprisingly well for a while. The idea that they could keep it a secret forever was crushed when Jo cornered James in the lobby one day._

_"I'm pregnant," she whispered angrily._

_"Is it mine?" James asked nervously._

_"Yeah. I never had sex with __**Kendall**__."_

_"Holy shit... We have a problem then..."_

James pulled up to his parents' house. He loved visiting his mom.

She opened the door and smiled. "You're off early."

"Dad only had me working until 6," James replied with a shrug. "Where's Aaron?"

As if on cue, a little boy ran straight to James. "Daddy!"

_"You got my girlfriend pregnant?" Kendall repeated for the tenth time. "I didn't break up with my girlfriend when you thought I should, so you knocked her up? That's an **amazing **solution!"_

_"Please stop freaking out..."_

_Kendall smiled sadly _ _"You're right. I shouldn't be the one freaking out. **You're **the one who's having an illegitimate child!"_

James picked Aaron up and followed his mom into the kitchen.

"Are you staying for dinner?"

James nodded. "Jo gets off at 7."

_James knew he should have expected Kendall to tell Mrs. Knight and he should have expected Mrs. Knight to call **his** parents, but he was shocked when his phone rang._

_"Did you really get a girl pregnant?" his father demanded on the other line._

_"Yes," James replied softly._

_"Then you're coming back to Minnesota. __**Both**__ of you."_

Mrs. Diamond smiled. "Good. I love Jo."

"Me too, Mom," James replied, biting back the urge to tell his mom that he wished everyday that he was with Kendall.

"She's the best thing to ever happen to you."

James only nodded.

"Cars!" Aaron yelled.

James looked down at him. "Alright. Let's play cars, little man."


	3. Doing the whole Dad thing

**This chapter is brought to you by "I Don't Care" by Fall Out Boy :P**

**And I think the next chapter might be all flashback, but I'm not sure... Hmm...**

* * *

Dinner with James' parents went exactly how it always did. His mom asked when he and Jo would give her more grandchildren. His dad told him to work on getting a better job before he had another kid. Jo complained about how much her coworkers annoyed her. Aaron ended up with more macaroni in his hair than in his stomach. James just watched the chaos unfold as he gently picked pasta out of Aaron's hair.

Jo had plans with a few friends, so she left straight from his parent's house after dinner. James was pretty sure that she was actually going on a date and knew he probably should have cared more than he really did. He just wanted to get home, give Aaron a bath and get him to bed, and then curl up in bed until the next morning.

James was able to get the first two things done pretty easily, but he felt a burst of energy when Aaron was finally in bed. He decided to watch one of the trashy entertainment shows that he loved, but never got to watch since Jo couldn't stand them.

He was finally getting into some story about this actress who'd gone to rehab for the eighth time when Aaron climbed up on the couch next to him. James looked over. "What are you doing out of bed, kid?"

Aaron crawled on to James' lap. "No sleep. Watch this."

"Alrighty," James sighed. "Just don't tell your mom."

"No tell Mama!" Aaron nodded.

James turned to the TV and noticed the 'news' show had shifted to story about an 'interview answer gone wrong'.

"Big Time Rush appeared on the Today Show yesterday," the host, who could have used at least three less cups of coffee, announced with a huge grin. "Let's go to the clip!"

_Matt Lauer turned to Kendall. "So you said in Rolling Stone that you haven't been in a serious relationship since Jo Taylor broke your heart, but that doesn't mean you haven't been in a relationship at all though, right?"_

_"I've been in a few relationships, but none of them lasted very long," Kendall said with a smile. "I'm dating a lovely woman named Isabella right now, so we'll have to see where that goes."_

_Carlos turned to Kendall with a slightly confused expression. "When did you stop dating Caroline?"_

_"Oh... I'm dating Caroline," Kendall amended._

_"Not for very long..." Logan said as he shook his head._

"Not for long is right," the perky host added. "A few hours after their appearance on the Today Show, Kendall sent out a Scuttbutt that said quote 'Quickest way to get dumped: call your gf by the wrong name on national tv. Single. Hit me up :)'. Judging by this picture we were sent of Kendall kissing an identified male in a Los Angeles club last night, it seems someone _did_ 'hit Kendall up'. Time will only tell why it was a male."

James glanced down and noticed that Aaron had fallen asleep in his lap. He turned off the TV and carried Aaron to bed.

Once he got Aaron tucked in for what he hoped was the last time, James felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He didn't recognize the number, but he had the gnawing suspicion that the call could be important, so he picked up.

"Hello?"

There was silence on the other line.

"Hello?' James repeated. "I'm hanging up…"

"No!" a slightly familiar voice yelled. "Um… Is this James Diamond?"

"…Yeah…"

The person on the other end sighed. "Thank God you haven't changed your number… It's Carlos!"

James wanted to hang up. Carlos hadn't bothered trying to contact him in years and he was all of a sudden interested in talking to him for some reason. He couldn't bring himself to do it though. "Hey, man. What's up?"

Carlos was being uncharacteristically calm and to be honest, it was scaring James a little bit. "Nothing much… You know, just doing the music thing... What are you up to?"

"Just doing the whole... Dad thing," James replied with a glance back to Aaron's room. "And working with my dad."

"Sound fun."

"The dad thing is," James said, a smile creeping on to his lips. "I love Aaron more than anything in the world."

"Do you ever miss it?" Carlos said after a long pause. "Not the music thing, but hanging out?"

James nodded before realizing that Carlos wouldn't hear him. "Yeah, I do. But it seems like you guys are having _plenty_ of fun without me. Hell, it took you three years to call me, Carlos!"

"That was a mistake! We all make mistakes, James! _You _of all people should know that!"

James didn't say anything, so Carlos continued.

"Logan and I in town for few a weeks. Can we hang out? Please?"

"Is tomorrow good?" James asked softly.

"Yeah! Tomorrow's great!"

James smiled. "Meet me at the old pizza place at 6. You guys get to meet Aaron."


	4. Going to have to do it for them

**1) I was going to update tonight, but I decided to update this afternoon because I wrote this this morning when I was too lazy to get out of bed. 2)My chapter length is so inconsistent :U**

_**Italics **_**are once again flashbacks.**

* * *

Work only seemed to pass by quickly when James had something he wasn't too eager to do afterwards. His day wasn't too bad. His dad didn't yell at him more than once and nobody knocked over a display today.

_James had been friends with Kendall as long as he could remember, even before he knew that Carlos and Logan existed. Their moms were friends, so they'd known each other practically since birth. That's why he was so surprised when Kendall passed him a note in one day in Freshman year during biology that said 'We should get pizza today. Only you and me. Kinda like a date.'_

James was able to get out of his parents house with minimal questions from his mom. She was extremely happy to hear that he was going out with friends. She always told him that he shouldn't let what happened between he and his former friends interfere with creating new friendships. She even offered to watch Aaron. James just shook his head and told her he was going out to eat and might as well feed Aaron while he was at it.

_'Is this some kind of joke?' James wrote back. 'Because if it is, I don't find it funny at all.'_

_'Why does it have to be a joke?'_

_James glanced over to Kendall who immediately pretended to be paying attention to the teacher's lecture about symbiosis. 'Fine, but if I find out you're trying to pull something over on me, you're dead.'_

_Kendall simply replied with a grin._

James pulled into a free parking space right in front of the pizza place and turned back to Aaron. "You wanna get some pizza, little man?"

"Pizza!" Aaron replied excitedly.

James sighed. He'd almost been hoping that Aaron wouldn't have been so willing to go inside and he could use that as an excuse to bail. "Okay," he said as he opened his car door. "Let's do this thing."

_James waited patiently by the flagpole for about five minutes before the thought that Kendall wasn't going to show up bubbled up in his stomach. He should have known it was a joke. After all, why would Kendall have wanted to go on a date with __**him**__?_

_"Hey," Kendall yelled as he ran up and interrupted James' thoughts. "Sorry I'm late. My English teacher wanted to give me detention, but I talked her out of it. Ready to go?"_

_James shrugged. "As ready as I'll ever be..."_

James walked into the pizza place and saw Carlos and Logan seated near the back in the same booth the four of them had shared every Friday night after they played a hockey game for years. He swallowed the feelings of nostalgia and walked over.

"Hey!" Carlos said the second that James came into view.

"Hi," James replied, sliding into the booth.

Logan smiled. "How are you, James? God. How have you been?"

Before James could answer, a waitress walked up. "Sorry to interrupt, but are you guys ready to order?"

They all ordered. James ordered pepperoni pizza for Aaron and mushroom and olive pizza for himself.

_"You want mushroom and olive pizza, right?" Kendall asked with a grin. "Why am I even asking? You never eat any other kind."_

_James playfully shoved Kendall. "Shut up! You know it's delicious!"_

_"I'd rather eat a shoe than some mushrooms!"_

"Is that Aaron?" Carlos asked excitedly once the waitress walked away. "He looks just like you!"

"Hi!" Aaron said with a wave.

Carlos waved back and turned to Logan. "I want one!"

Logan shook his head. "Maybe in a few years or something. We don't have most stable home life with touring and all that."

Carlos pouted and Logan looked over to James.

"Carlos told me you're working with your dad now. You barely lasted the entire summer sophomore year! How the hell are you doing it now?"

James shrugged. "Well, that was just money for me. But you know," he gestured to Aaron, "the kid's gotta eat."

_Kendall stared down at his pizza for a few minutes without touching it._

_"Are you okay?" James asked._

_Kendall shook his head. "I'm just kind of confused... I like someone and I'm not sure if they like me back..."_

_James didn't know why, but he was suddenly jealous of this mystery girl. He wasn't too proud of that. After all, he was James Diamond. He didn't get jealous of people. They got jealous of HIM._

_"Why don't you ask her?" James said, trying to conceal the jealousy in his voice and failing miserably._

_"I guess __**he's**__ a little dense..."*_

Logan nodded."You don't even wanna know how much Carlos spends on corndogs a month."

"They're the perfect food! And they're on a **stick**! They're portable!"

James shook his head and smiled. Things almost felt normal again.

_"What do you mean?" James asked softly._

_"I like __**you**__," Kendall said nervously, "and I'm not quite sure what to about it and that scares the crap out of me because I can usually figure that sorta thing out pretty easily."_

_James bit his lip. "Well, what do you __**want**__ to do?"_

_"I __**want**__ to kiss you," Kendall replied matter-of-factly. "Would you kiss me back?"_

"LA's not the same without you," Logan said a while later.

James nodded. "And Minnesota's not the same without you guys and…" He stopped short.

"And Kendall, right?"

James nodded silently.

_James nodded and Kendall smiled._

_The kiss didn't last very long and was more like lips brushing than anything else. That didn't stop both boys from blushing wildly when they parted._

_"Do you wanna... Maybe... Go out or something?" Kendall asked in a voice much quieter than his usual one._

_"Definitely," James agreed with a huge grin._

"Do you still have feelings for Kendall?" Logan asked with a frown. "I know that as much as he denies it, he still has feelings for YOU."

Carlos nodded in agreement.

"Yeah I still have feelings for him, but if you guys forgot, I'm with Jo now. We have a son."

"You may be married to her, but I know for a fact that you don't love her half as much as you love Kendall," Carlos said with a frown.

_Kendall grabbed a sharpie out his backpack and turned to the side of the booth. He drew a heart and wrote 'K + J forever' inside of it._

_"As long as that's here, I'll love you."_

_James rolled his eyes. "So if they reupholster, you won't love me anymore?"_

"_My mom says they've had the same booths since my grandpa was a kid, so I think it's safe to say that I'll love you forever," Kendall said with a smile._

James scanned the side if the booth and a slightly faded heart jumped out at him.

"I stopped loving Kendall years ago. I accepted it and he accepted it," James sighed. "It seems like you two are the only people left who are intent on getting us back together! Newsflash! It's over! Just forget it!"

Carlos shook his head. "I don't believe it. You guys are perfect for each other. You can't throw that away like it's nothing!"

James stood up. "You know, no matter how you try to spin it, **Kendall's** the one who threw it away! I don't regret a single thing that I've done! Maybe sleeping with Jo was the best decision I've ever made!" He picked Aaron up. "If he ever loved me in the first place, he never would have dated her! All he ever cared about was keeping up appearances! It never mattered how much it hurt me as long as people believed that he was straight!"

Carlos and Logan just stared as James angrily stormed out of the restaurant.

"_I think I'm failing biology," James announced as the pair walked home later hand in hand._

"_Just listen to Logan talk some time," Kendall said with a laugh. "He's like a walking bio textbook!"_

_James shook his head. "Carlos hangs on Logan's every word and he's still failing!"_

"_I swear, we __**have**__ to get those two together," Kendall decided with a grin. "They're obviously not going to do it on their own!"_

_James nodded. "Definitely!"_

Logan turned to Carlos. "Well, that didn't go quite as planned…"

"Duh! It's like I told you, neither of them is going to be willing to get back together! It's like admitting that they were wrong! I think they'd both rather die than admit they made a mistake."

"So I guess this means we're going to have to do it for them…"

Carlos nodded eagerly. "They'll thank us later."


	5. Where he used to think he wanted to be

**Two updates in one day. This is what happens when I update in the morning. I tend to always write at this time of day, sooooooo...**

**Kendall's POV because it was necessary. _Italics_ are flashbacks.**

* * *

Kendall's phone rang again. This time, it was his house phone. He cursed and buried his head in his pillow. He was feeling the effects of last night big time. He was half sure he deserted the throbbing that currently plagued the right side of his head, but his memories of last night were foggy at best. He could almost recall hooking up with that cute DJ, but he couldn't be sure it even happened. He was pretty fucked up last night. With good reason, he decided. After all, it was the fifth anniversary of the day he told that idiot James that he loved him.

_It was Kendall's favorite time of the year. The trees were almost bare. Leaves covered the ground. It was pretty cool, but not quite cold enough for it to snow yet. The weather was perfect._

Kendall kicked past all the discarded trash next to his bed. He knew he should probably clean his apartment, but he didn't feel like it then. He decided to do it next week, fully aware that if he didn't forget it that he'd purposely put it off for another week. Somehow, he was totally okay with that.

His answering machine beeped the second he reached the bathroom.

_The leaves crunched under Kendall and James' feet as he pulled James off to a more secluded area of the park._

_"The park?" James asked sarcastically. "This is... Cute..."_

_Kendall smiled. "Be quiet. It gets better."_

'Hey, Kendall... It's Logan. Pick up your phone,' Logan's all too familiar voice droned from the answering machine. 'I've been trying to get a hold of you all morning. You're not answering your cell phone or your text messages and it's freaking me out a little. You could be dead or something. If you get this message, call me... Or come out to Minnesota... Carlos and I are staying with his parents for a little bit and maybe you could come too... They'd be happy to have you... We're all worried about you... Everyone is... You haven't been yourself lately, man... Call me... Please...'

_Kendall and James sat on a bench on the far end of the park._

_"I love fall," Kendall said with a small smile. "Everything's so... Peaceful..."_

_James shook his head. "I hate every fucking season in this stupid town. I'm moving to California the first chance I get."_

Kendall stood up and walked into the wall. He punched it, knowing that it really wouldn't do anything except for make him feel better. It didn't make him feel all that better though.

"_What's so bad about this town?"_

"_Do you need me to list the reasons? There's __**nothing**__ here!"_

"_Well, what about me?" Kendall asked softly. "You don't wanna stay here with me?"_

Kendall walked over to his phone and listened to the rest of his messages. Eight were from Logan and were almost identical to the one he'd just listened to. There were eleven from Gustavo yelling about some picture that was being covered by a lot of news outlets. The last two were from his mom who thought they 'needed to talk'.

He was much more eager get drunk.

_James shook his head. "It's not that. I'm just __**bigger**__ than this town. I want __**more**__!"_

"_What do you need then? Tell me and maybe I can help."_

"_It's not that simple…"_

"_Why not?"_

"_I'm not sure what I want, but it isn't this place!"_

Kendall looked over at the clock. He was supposedly asleep for seven hours, but he didn't feel rested at all. He didn't feel like he'd slept in weeks. He needed a change and he needed it now. He had no idea what that change was though.

_Kendall looked out at the field in front of them for a few minutes. "You're going to California when you turn 18?"_

_"If that the earliest I can do it, yeah."_

_"Then I'm coming too," Kendall replied with a determined look on his face._

_James stared at him. "What about 'playing center for the Minnesota Wild'? That's been your dream since at LEAST the first grade!"_

_Kendall shrugged. "All I want to do now is be wherever you are."_

Kendall flipped on the TV. Good Morning America was doing some story about why 'celebrities' spiral out of control. He was about to change the channel when he heard his name.

'Take Kendall Knight from Big Time Rush for example. The band started out as a group of clean cut young boys and now at age 19, Kendall's out drinking nearly every night. He was obviously inebriated in some way during the bands appearance on the Today Show.'.

Kendall tossed the remote haphazardly across the room. What did those 'specialists' know anyway? They'd never even talked to **him** and they were going out and talking like they knew him better than the back of their hands.

_"You'd give up hockey to follow me out to LA so that I could __**possibly**__ become famous?" James asked skeptically._

_Kendall nodded._

_"You're crazy, Knight!"_

_"Maybe," Kendall said with a grin. "Maybe not."_

Kendall's phone started to ring again. He sighed and unplugged it then shut off his cell phone. He didn't want to deal with anyone. If they were THAT desperate to talk to them, they'd have to come to his apartment.

_"You know, you never used to be this crazy."_

_Kendall grinned. "Well, that was before I fell in love with __**you**__! I think you're the reason I'm crazy!"_

_"No, I think it's cause you're a psycho," James said with a wink.__  
_  
Kendall needed out of this town more than anything. Maybe he **would** go to Minnesota like Logan suggested. After all, he had been partying a bit much lately. Maybe getting out of town would polish up his reputation like Gustavo kept telling him to do.

_"I love you so much, James," Kendall whispered as the sun disappeared behind the trees. "Nothing's ever gonna change that."_

Kendall turned his phone back on and, ignoring his large list of missed calls, called the airport. "Yeah, hi. When's your next flight out to Minneapolis?"

Once he got the flight times, Kendall grabbed an armful of clothes from the dirty clothes pile that sat in the corner of his room and shoved them into his suitcase. He wasn't sure how much was there and he wasn't sure how much he needed, but he honestly didn't give a damn. It's not like any of this really mattered.

As he closed the door to his apartment, Kendall laughed pitifully to himself about how different life had turned out than they'd planned. James, who couldn't wait to get out of that town, was stuck there. He, who just wanted to be where James was, was on the other side of the country.

Then again, Kendall was about to be where he used to think he wanted to be. Now he wasn't sure **what** he wanted. He wondered pessimistically if life turned out like this for everyone or if he'd messed his up somewhere along the line.


	6. Long time, no see

**I listened to "The Pros And Cons Of Breathing" by Fall Out Boy as I wrote this and I thought it went fittingly with the story. Especially the line that says "I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself."**

**Also, this chapter's pretty bad, but the next will be better. I promise :3**

* * *

The plane landed over an hour ago, but Kendall was still there. He picked up his luggage and aimlessly wandered around the airport. He got a few odd looks, but he figured most people thought he was looking for a specific terminal. Three middle-aged men, all dressed in business suits, who said they traveled a lot and were used to getting stopped and offered to help him find wherever he needed to go. He just shook his head and continued walk around until a security guard politely asked him to leave if he wasn't going to be boarding a flight.

_"Kendall, I really don't think we should be sneaking out..." James whispered as he and Kendall walked out the front door of their apartment at the Palmwoods. "What if your mom finds out?"_

_Kendall laughed. "No one's gonna find out!" He grabbed James' hand and yanked him along a bit faster. "And since when have you cared about getting caught sneaking out? We did it all the time back in Minnesota!"_

It was at least 50 miles to town and Kendall knew he should call a taxi or Mrs. Garcia or get on the bus. Of course, none of those options appealed to him much. He decided on hitchhiking. It was stupid. It was dangerous. It was something his mother would kill him for doing. It was **perfect**.

_"That was before we came to LA!" James said with a grimace. "My dad told me that if I got into any trouble out here, he'd get me on the next plane back to Minnesota."_

_Kendall rolled his eyes. "We've already gotten into __**plenty**__ of trouble and your dad hasn't had you shipped back to Minnesota yet!"_

"_That was when we got in trouble with Gustavo and Bitters… But sneaking out could get us in trouble with your mom…"_

_Kendall smirked. "Relax! We're not getting caught and even If we do, I'll take all the blame!"_

A van pulled up next to Kendall once he'd been standing there for about five minutes. The distinct odor of marijuana floated out as the driver rolled down his window. He was a middle aged man who flashed a nearly toothless grin as he raked a shaking hand through his thinning hair. "Hey, kid. Ya can't be older than 18 and yet you're standin' out here with all that luggage!"

Kendall rolled his eyes. "First off, I'm 19. Second off, all I'm trying to do is get home."

"There's more to your story than you're tellin' me, huh? Let's make a deal. I'll give ya a ride to wherever it is 'home' is, if you promise to share your story with me," the man said, throwing open his passenger side door.

Kendall got in. "Okay, what do you want to know?"

"_It's this way," Kendall said with a laugh as he dragged James deeper into Palmwoods Park._

"_I'd believe you if you hadn't said that a __**thousand **__times already!"_

"_It's right over there!" Kendall announced, letting go of James' hand and breaking into a run._

"_Kendall! Wait up!"_

The man smiled. "How 'bout we start with names? I'm Pete."

"Kendall."

"So Kendall, why in the world would you want to come back to Minnesota? Everyone I've met around your age can't wait until they can get out of here. I was the same way."

Kendall shrugged. "I never wanted to leave much in the first place. I was too busy chasing somebody else's dreams. I was 16; I was stupid."

_Kendall sat down on the grass under an oak tree._

"_There's nothing here," James said matter-of-factly._

_Kendall nodded. "And you knew that, but you still followed me. Why?"_

Pete smiled. "Your dreams are in Minnesota?"

Kendall shook his head. "No. I mean, I don't know… I sorta stopped thinking about **my **dreams. I used to tell people I wanted to play hockey, but I haven't really played in years."

"I used to want to be in a band," Pete said with a smile. "But then again, doesn't everyone?"

"Not everyone," Kendall mumbled. "Some people would **kill **not to be."

"_I trust you," James said simply._

_Kendall grinned. "And I trust you."_

They spoke for a few more minutes, but then Pete launched into a rant about the government cover-up of aliens and Kendall decided that it would be best not to say anything. He pretended to listen, but as the scenery grew more and more familiar and he got more nervous, Kendall's mind started to wander. That's when he decided that he wasn't going to go to Carlos' parents' house. Not yet at least.

"Change of plans, Pete. There's somewhere else that you need to take me."

_The pair set out on the lawn for a few minutes before they decided to go back to the apartment. Mrs. Knight saw them sneaking back in, but she didn't say a word._

Kendall swallowed hard before thanking Pete and getting out of the van. He stared at the building in front of him for a few moments and then walked in. Not wanting to look odd, he walked to a back aisle and grabbed a roll of duct tape before heading up to the register.

"Hey, James. Long time, no see."


	7. Watching me live your dream

**Update even though I should have gotten offline 20 minutes ago. :3**

* * *

If James would have known that this was going to happen to him today, he would have stayed in bed. He knew in the back of his head that if he hadn't come into work today, it would have happened tomorrow. There was no escaping Kendall's plans once he'd thought of them. James tried to convince himself that this wasn't another one of Kendall's plans and Kendall had come to town for a reason that was in no way related to him; that he'd only come in to purchase the duct tape that he was currently holding. James knew that it was only wishful thinking the second that Kendall stepped up to his register.

"Hey, James. Long time, no see."

_There was a loud crash as James' body collided with the lockers. The person who'd shoved him grabbed his chin and tried to make him look up. "Hey, James! Why won't ya look at me? Come on, bro! Just look!"_

_James tried to squirm free, but got shoved back against the lockers._

"_Awww! Come on, James! I just wanna talk!"_

"Kendall," James said, hoping it qualified as a greeting because his dad would kill him if he found out he was being rude to a **customer**. It didn't matter how much he wanted to strangle Kendall for coming into the store when he knew James couldn't leave. The fact that Kendall was buying something made him as much of a customer as the old man before him who bought 50 pounds of wood. "Do you need a bag for this or can you carry it?"

Kendall smiled. "I don't need a bag, but look at all this luggage! I can't possibly carry that out to my car! You should help me out."

"No."

"I wonder what your dad would say about you denying a customer assistance…"

_"Then tell me what you've got to say, Brad," James replied in a voice that he had been hoping would sound intimidating, but came out in more of a pleading voice._

_Brad laughed. "Alright, James. Where do I begin?" He punched James in the throat. "How about the part where I saw you and Knight sucking face behind the dumpster earlier? What the hell was that about?"_

"Let me be straight up with you," Kendall said as the two stepped out the front door and into the parking lot, "I left my car in LA, so we're not gonna find it out here. I got you to come out here so we could talk. You gonna talk to me?"

"Depends on what you've got to say..." James mumbled as he shoved the roll of tape towards Kendall. "I've got work to do, so make it quick."

_James stared at Brad. "You're pissed at me for making out with Kendall? What the hell? Are you jealous or something?"_

_Brad was about three seconds from foaming at the mouth. "Jealous? Why the fuck would I be jealous of __**that**__? If anything, I feel __**sorry**__ for you two! God! What the fuck is wrong with you guys?"_

"Is it a boy or a girl? You and Jo's baby, I mean…"

James blinked. He couldn't believe that Kendall would ask **that** of all things. "He's a boy and his name is Aaron…"

"That's kind of a dumb name," Kendall said as he rolled his eyes.

James raised his eyebrows. "Really? Because you told me a few years ago that you liked it…"

"That was when you and I were talking about having kids **together**…"

_Brad punched James again in the stomach._

"_Hey, Brad..."_

_Brad flipped around and came face to face with Kendall. "Hey, man."_

"_What going on?" Kendall asked as he crossed his arms. "Because it sorta looks like you're hitting James and I __**know**__ that that isn't what's going on. Is it, Brad?"_

James could feel the blush creeping up in his cheeks. "I forgot about that…"

Kendall laughed. "Of course you did. It may not seem like such a big deal to **you**, but it's kind of a douche bag move."

James didn't respond, so Kendall continued speaking. "Oh, I forgot to ask! What's it like watching me live **your** dreams?"

"_Get out of here, Knight. This isn't any of your business!"_

_Kendall smirked. "Seems like my business. Just so you know, if you mess with James, you might as well be messing with me."_

_Brad laughed and released James from his grip. "Don't want me messing with your boyfriend, Kenny?"_

"_Yup," Kendall said with a smile._

James glared at Kendall. "Is that why you came here? To rub that in my face?"

"You know what, James? No!" Kendall growled. "I came to see if we could talk and be civil towards each other, but it looks like we can't!"

"You're the one who started yelling!"

"And you're the one who used **our** baby name on you and **Jo's** baby!"

_"I'm done with this," Brad said with a laugh. "Have fun in hell!"_

_Kendall smirked. "See you there."_

_Once Brad was gone, Kendall walked over to James and crouched down next to him. "Are you okay? God. Why the fuck was he hitting you?"_

_James sighed. "He saw you and I making out behind the dumpster before school..."_

_"He was beating you up over THAT?" Kendall yelled. He stood up. "I'll kill him!"_

_"No!" James said in as loud of a voice as he could muster. "My dad always says that people like that just want a reaction..."_

_"So I'm just supposed to let him treat you like that?" Kendall asked viciously. "What good is that going to do for __**anyone**__?"_

"It was a mistake, okay? I've made a lot of those apparently," James said with a scowl. "But you wanna know what my biggest mistake was? Thinking you were ever worth caring about!"

"I fucking cried over you!" Kendall retorted. "Just ask Logan! I cried when you dumped me on the night of Jo's party, the one where you knocked her up. I got over it though because I thought we'd get over it **together**. And then when you told me that you'd gotten her pregnant? I cried for about three months! I really cared about you, James! I'm glad you showed your true colors when you did!"

_James looked at Kendall. "There's also what my mom always tells me... She says you should feel sorry for people like that because there has to be some sort of problem in their life that makes them act like that..."_

_"What if the problem's their personality?"_

_James smiled. "Then they need all of the sympathy that they can get."_

"**My** true colors?" James repeated sarcastically. "You've got a lot of fucking nerve! None of this would have even happened if you didn't need a girlfriend for show!"

Kendall rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah! Because it's all **my** fault that you had sex with her! Newsflash! That was your own dumbass mistake! And now you have your little mistake, Aaron, to remind you daily of what a screw up you are."

James pushed Kendall to the ground and leaned over him. "You might have a problem with me and you might have a problem with Jo, but I swear to **God** if I ever hear you talk about my son that way again, I'll kill you and they'll never find your fucking body."

_"That's some damn advice, James. In fact, I'm gonna take a walk and maybe let that sink in a bit," Kendall said with a smile._

_James rolled his eyes. "Don't get yourself hurt too badly."_

Kendall stood back up and got into James' face. "You know what? I should feel sorry for the kid. He's got you as a dad."

"Well, maybe if he's got a dad, he won't turn out as fucked up as you did without one."

"Hell, I bet that I made more money last month than you do in a year!"

"And here's to hoping that you don't waste it all on drugs and alcohol!"

Kendall laughed. "It's funny. I used to think that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but I don't think I could spend another second with you!"

"Good," James said, turning towards the store. "I should be getting back to work anyway."

_Kendall pressed a bag of frozen peas to his eye and groaned._

"_You know you shouldn't have fought Brad earlier," James said with a sigh._

_Kendall shrugged. "I had to protect you. It wasn't like you were protecting yourself even though you're fully capable!"_

"_If I got caught fighting, I would have been kicked out of the school play…"_

_Kendall laughed. "I didn't care that if I got caught that I'd benched for the next two hockey games."_

James grabbed out his phone and called Carlos. "I can't believe that you convinced him to come back to Minnesota! You're dead!"

_James rolled his eyes. "It's not like it was your battle to fight."_

"_I'm prepared to fight __**all**__ your battles for you."_

Kendall grabbed out his phone and called Logan. "I can't believe you got me to come back to Minnesota. You're dead."


	8. An incredible team

**I wanted to update yesterday, but I had writer's block :P I finished this ~3 hours ago, but my internet was down so I couldn't post it, but then my mom fixed it and now I can c:**

* * *

Kendall had just gotten relaxed on the bed in his motel room when his cell phone rang. He looked at the caller ID. Logan. "Hey, man. What's up?"

There was a breathy sigh on the other end of the line before Logan began speaking. "Are you not coming over to Carlos' parents' house?"

Kendall shook his head before he remembered that Logan would be able to see him over the phone. "Nah. I got a room at that shitty motel across from Denny's."

There was another long pause in Logan's end of the line. "Can I come stay with you?"

"I thought you and Carlos were staying with his parents."

Logan sighed. "Carlos broke up with me…"

"_So I think that I know how to get Logan and Carlos together," Kendall announced as he and James walked home from their most recent rehearsal at Rocque Records instead of taking the limo in an attempt to get a little bit of alone time._

_James smiled. "Finally! How?"_

"_Well, we know that Logan likes Carlos and Carlos likes Logan… We just have to make sure that __**they**__ know it…"_

"_How are we supposed to do that?"_

_Kendall raised his eyebrows. "I was hoping you had a suggestion…"_

James was making dinner for him and Aaron when his phone vibrated in his pocket. "Hello?"

"Hey," Carlos answered. "Can you come over?"

James looked over to Aaron who was happily coloring at the kitchen table. "Can't. Jo's not home, so I have to take care of Aaron."

Carlos sighed. "Can I come over there then? We really need to talk…"

"Are you okay, Carlos?"

"Yeah. Other than the fact that I may have just made the biggest mistake of my life…"

"What happened?"

"I sort of broke up with Logan…"

"What do you mean 'sort of'?"  
Carlos paused for a few seconds. "I really fucked up; didn't I?"

"Get here as soon as you can," James replied. "We'll think of some way to fix this."

_Logan and Carlos were sitting on the couch when Kendall and James got home. Logan was watching a documentary about the migration patterns of dolphins and Carlos was asleep on his shoulder._

"_Dolphin migration?" Kendall asked with a smirk. "Dude, could you be any lamer?"_

_Logan shrugged which caused Carlos to wake up._

"_Hmm? What happened?"_

_Logan smiled at Carlos. "You were sleeping on me and I shrugged, so you woke up."_

_Carlos nodded and cuddled back into Logan's shoulder._

"_Aww! Could you two be any cuter together?" James asked, elbowing Kendall in the ribs._

_Kendall shook his head. "I don't think they could."_

There was a soft rapping at Kendall's door about ten minutes later. Logan stood there with his shoulders down. Kendall knew Logan was seriously bothered by his recent breakup with Carlos because there was no other reason that he could think for Logan not to have perfect posture.

Logan offered Kendall a pathetic smile. "Hey…"

"He doesn't deserve you..." Kendall said quietly, pulling Logan into a tight hug.

Logan shook his head. "I love him, Kendall…"

"Breakups are hard, but you get over it eventually…"

"Are you over James?" Logan asked softly.

Kendall blinked. "Not yet… But I'm sure I will be someday…"

_Logan looked Kendall and James over. "What are you two up to?"_

_"You like Carlos," James said matter-of-factly. "He likes you back."_

_"I don't like Carlos!" Logan argued, but his voice cracked as he did so._

_Kendall smirked as a blush crept on to Logan's cheeks. "Honestly, Logan, not everyone is as dumb as you think they are."_

_James nodded. "We __**do**__ have eyes, Logan."_

_"And you and Carlos' crushes on each other are obvious to anyone who has them," Kendall added._

Carlos looked lost when he walked into James' apartment. "...Nice place..." he said in a voice that was obviously forced.

James raised his eyebrows. "I know it's crappy, but it's the best we can afford."

"It's... Cozy...'' Carlos said, plopping into a chair at the table.

"Enough small talk. What happened between you and Logan?"

Carlos shrugged. "We got into an argument. He wants to buy a house down here for when we need to get away from LA and it didn't feel like a good idea to me."

"Seems like a stupid reason to throw your relationship away over..."

Carlos shrugged. "Looks like both you and me are out of the best relationships we ever had over dumb reasons."

_"Maybe I like him a little," Logan admitted quietly, "but I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me back..."_

_"Why wouldn't he?" Kendall asked. "You're smart, funny and an amazing friend!"_

_"Plus, you have a cute smile," James added. "Smiles are a HUGE factor in whether or not I like someone. Kendall can be sort of a douche bag, but he's got a cute smile!"_

_"Am I supposed to take that as compliment or an insult?" Kendall asked with a smirk._

_James grinned. "Both."_

Logan cried for almost two hours and then proceeded to tell Kendall how hungry he was. "Can you go get me some KFC or something?"

"How about 'or something'?" Kendall asked with a frown. "I'm not a big fried chicken fan."

"Sure," Logan replied with a frail voice. "You know what? I didn't even want fried chicken…"

Kendall shook his head. "I swear to God, dude. You are so fucking pitiful right now. I'll go get your stupid chicken."

"Thanks…"

"Just be happy you're my best friend. I wouldn't get fried chicken for anyone else."

_Carlos lifted his head drowsily. "Are you guys still standing there?" He turned to Logan. "Is your weird dolphin show over, Logie?"_

_Kendall smiled. "James and I were just telling Logan how cute you two are."_

_James nodded._

"_What do you mean together?" Carlos asked. "Do you mean, like, dating?"_

_Kendall and James nodded simultaneously._

_Carlos grinned. "I'm gonna have to agree with you there."_

"Look!" Aaron yelled, interrupting the conversation that James and Carlos were having. He held up a colorful blob. "You, Daddy!"

James smiled. "I totally see the resemblance, Aar. Good job."

Aaron giggled and got down off his chair. "Gonna play cars!"

"Don't break anything!" James called after him.

Carlos grinned. "He's so cute. He looks just like you."

James nodded proudly. "He's easily the best thing to ever happen to me."

Carlos looked down at his watch. "Oooh! I have to go. It's almost time for dinner. I'll call you later though."

_Logan blushed. "What do you mean?"_

"_I think we should date!" Carlos said with a big smile._

_Logan nodded. "Me too…"_

_Kendall looked at James. "Mission accomplished."_

Logan's phone rang right as the clock turned over 6:00.

"Did Kendall buy it?" Carlos asked softly.

"Yeah. Did James?"

"Hell yeah."

"This plan is so much better than our original one," Logan said with a smile. "They were so intent on getting us together the first time. God knows how intent they'll be on getting us **back** together."

Carlos laughed. "And then they'll realize how they should have never broken up!"

"We make an incredible team."

"The best."


	9. Even if Daddy would have stuck around

**Abrupt ending, but I have to go to bed :U**

**Also, I tried something a little different with the flashback. Tell me if you like it or not :)**

**And Kacy wanted me to tell you she named the Chamberlains after Spencer Chamberlain from Underoath and Phil Chamberlain from To Speak of Wolves. **

* * *

Kendall stood outside of the Diamonds' hardware store and sighed. He hadn't intended on talking to James Diamond **ever **again, but it wasn't like he had another choice. Logan had made him promise that he wouldn't try to talk Carlos into getting reconsidering their relationship, but Kendall wasn't about to let all of the hard work he'd done getting the two together in the first place go to waste. Talking to James was just a way of getting around the promise. Kendall was sure that James would want the two to get back together as much as he did.

_Kendall's breathing is labored. His pulse is racing. His hands are shaking a little and __**OH GOD**__ is he nauseous. He walked carefully along the sidewalk. His house is only 50 feet away and he's almost positive he could make it without vomiting all over his neighbor's lawn. The bile begins to rise in his throat and he instantly feels sorry for Mrs. Chamberlain's daisies before realizing that they're flowers and they could care less whether or not he just threw up on them._

"When's your break?" Kendall asked as he walked over to the register that James was working. "We've gotta talk and don't worry, it's not about me. We gotta talk about Logan and Carlos."

"Why don't you talk to THEM instead of me then, Kendall?" James replied as if it was the most obvious thing on Earth.

"Logan doesn't wanna talk about and he made me promise that wouldn't talk to Carlos. You're all I've got, man."

James was silent for a few minutes before he turned to Kendall. "12:30."

"What?"

James rolled his eyes. "My lunch break is at 12:30. If you really want to talk to me, you'll meet me here then."

_Kendall isn't entirely sure if he can make it those last few steps home, so he sits down a few inches away from the area where he emptied contents of his stomach. His eyelids begin to feel increasingly heavy, but he stays awake by occupying his time counting each car that drove by. He doesn't know how long it's been, maybe 70 cars later, when Mr. Chamberlain walks out and looks down at him._

_"What's the matter, son? Why are you in my wife's garden?"_

_Kendall isn't sure if he really does it, but __**GOD HE HOPES SO**__, he manages to feebly shrug._

"You're here," James said with an uneasy smile when he walked out into the parking lot promptly at 12:30.

Kendall shrugged. "I've been waiting here your whole shift. Didn't want to be late."

"Carlos told me about their breakup last night…"

"Logan cried for a really long time," Kendall replied with a frown. "It's weird. I don't think I've ever seen him cry that much before."

"So what do we do?"

"Damn it, James! Do I **always** have to come up with the plans?" Kendall asked with a smirk.

_Mr. Chamberlain tries to help him to his feet, but he lands face down on the grass. He only misses the vomit by a few inches and there's a self-deprecating part of him that curses his good luck. It's the small part of him that had been eager enough to think that all of this was been a good idea in the first place. Then the sensible part of him, which is thankfully larger than the other part, tells him that he should have never done a thing like this in the first place._

"_Let's get you home, son," Mr. Chamberlain tells him softly as he helps him to his feet one more time._

_Kendall wonders if Mr. Chamberlain knows how wasted he is. He wonders if Mr. Chamberlain really even cares._

James frowned. "Because I'm not good at plans? My last plan ended up... Well, we know what my last plan did..."

"That was your last plan?" Kendall asked softly. "I'd probably give up on my plans too if I fucked my last one up that badly..."

James bit his lip. "Anyway, back to Carlos and Logan..."

"Right... How'd we get them together in the first place?"

"We just told them how cute they looked together..."

Kendall smiled. "I don't think 'Hey! You guys can't break up! You look too good together!' is going to work very well."

James raised his eyebrows. "Do you have something else in mind?"

"_I'm good, Mr. Chamberlain," he manages to squeak out._

_Mr. Chamberlain shakes his head. "You can barely stand up."_

_He shrugs and then smiles. "My house is right next door! I'll be fine!"_

_Mr. Chamberlain stares at Kendall for a few seconds and then sighs. "Be safe, son. I know a lot of boys in your… situation… end up on the wrong side of the law. I don't want that to happen to you."_

_The pity makes the bile creep back up, but he swallows it and smiles. "You mean kids without dads? No offense, Mr. Chamberlain, but my lack of a father figure isn't why I'm fucked up. This is all my fault. Don't tell anyone, but I'm kind of a dumbass and I'm sure I'd be this way even if Daddy would have stuck around."_

"Not really," Kendall admitted. "But I'm not gonna sit around and listen to them bitch about how much they love each other. I have to live with those two and I don't want the rest of my life to be fucking episode of Degrassi."

"We need to trick them into the same place or something…" James said softly. "How the hell are we going to do that?"

Kendall frowned. "I can think of one thing that could get them in the same room in a second.

"I'm listening."

"What if we told them we got back together?" Kendall asked. "We don't have to really do it, but as long as they think we did…"

"This is never going to work…"

"You're not willing to try?"

James sighed. "I never said that…"


	10. This is me not caring

**Kendall and James' dialogue is ridiculous, but whatever.**

* * *

Kendall scheduled his and James' first 'date' for the next day. They were going to see some indie film at a small theater that Peter had told him about. It was the type of thing that Kendall loved. James barely put up with it while the two were in a relationship and Kendall knew James would be **pissed** about it now. He'd chosen it for just that reason.

_James' phone rang for the second time as he pulled up to the community center where Jo was taking her parenting class. She constantly begged him to come to the class with her. She said it was no big deal, but what did she know? She hadn't lived in this town for her whole life. James had though. He knew the town's residents well enough to know that they'd judge him in an instant and have a damn good time doing it._

James sat in his car in the parking lot of the motel that Kendall and Logan were staying in. He couldn't work up the courage to go to the room that they were staying in, room 36. He could see the door from his parking space and he wasn't sure how long he'd been staring at it from the car, but it had to be close to an hour. He was supposed to have picked Kendall up 15 minutes ago, but he hadn't moved an inch. He sighed and flipped on the radio. He decided he better get comfortable because he was planning on being here for a while.

_James entered the community center if for no other reason than to keep Jo from having another reason to yell at him later. She probably had enough reasons already. She hated his hair last night and had demanded that he cut it all off. He whined until she changed her mind, but the idea that she'd said it in the first place was what scared him. Then this morning, she'd said they weren't making enough money, but exploded when he offered to drop out to get more hours at the shop with his dad. James wasn't sure a parenting class would help him. He'd much rather take a class on how to deal with pregnant women instead. God knows he needed it…_

A knock on the window jolted James out of his thoughts. Kendall stood outside with a smug smirk. He waved as James jumped. James sighed and rolled down his window.

"Are you gonna sit here all night and stare at my door or are we going out?"

James opened his mouth to respond, but Kendall only laughed.

"Know what, buddy?" Kendall replied with a smile. "I'm not going to let you answer that because the movie starts in 20 minutes and it's a 15 minute drive."

James stared blankly at Kendall. "I know you haven't been here in town for a while, but the movie theater's only about five minutes from here."

"Not the only we're going to, Jamie."

James blushed at Kendall's use of his old nickname. "Uh huh… And which way to this 'theater'?"

Kendall reached over James and deliberately brushed his chest with the motion. "It's that way," he said. A smile spread across his lips when he noticed James' teeth digging deeply into his bottom lip. "Peter says it's that way."

"_So, this is the elusive James," said the gray haired woman at the front of the room as she smiled happily at Jo._

_Jo nodded and latched herself on to James' arm. The whole thing seemed so fake to James and he couldn't figure out why she was suddenly acting like they were so in love._

"_So how long have you two been together?' the woman asked as her smile seemed to grow larger._

_James looked at Jo and instantly had the idea to show the woman how much they __**really **__cared about each other. "Umm… How far along are you? That minus the three or so months before she found out she was knocked up."_

_The woman's smile faltered a bit. "You two weren't dating when she got pregnant?"_

_Jo looked traumatized, but James replied with a smile. "No, she was going out with one of my best friends and I got mad at him and seduced her in a supply closet." He turned to Jo. "So, when does class start, __**sweetie**__?"_

"_It should start in a few minutes," Jo responded with a forced smile as she tightened her grip on James' arm._

James pulled into the deserted lot and turned to Kendall. "This place is pretty weird looking. Who told you about it?"

"This hippie guy who gave me a ride from the airport," Kendall said with a grin.

"Listening to the weird hippie guy who gave you a ride from the airport is an **awful **idea. It's right up there with smoking pot with hobos at truck stops!"

"Why is **that **a bad idea?"

"Dude, you don't smoke pot with hobos at truck stops! You just don't do it!"

"Fuck your rules. Free weed is free weed."

James shook his head. "What the hell is your problem, Kendall?"

"Aww! Do I have to pick just one?"

"Let's get this over with…" James sighed as he got out the car. "What kind of movie is this anyway?"

"Dunno," Kendall grinned. "It's some independent thing. It's in, like, French or something!"

James sighed. "I hate these kind of movies."

"Oh, I know. This is me not caring."

_A woman walked over and wrapped her arm around Jo. "Is this why you usually don't bring him around? I mean, he's cute, but I feel like he's only here because he thinks he has to be." She looked over to James. "Well if it isn't James Diamond!"_

_James would recognize that face anywhere. It was his freshman health teacher, Mrs. Edmonds. She'd failed him for refusing to take care of the mechanical baby that she assigned to him and Logan (he only regretted openly refusing the project because he knew full well he could have easily ridden on Logan's coattails and claimed the A+ that Logan received). His parents had been so angry about his F that they'd threatened to never let him participate in hockey or drama ever again. They ended up only taking the activities away for two weeks, but that was long enough to foster a deep hatred deep inside of him._

"_Hey Mrs. Edmonds," James mumbled._

_She smiled. "Please, call me Jenn. I'll be one of your instructors. We're going to have a lot of fun here, James. You excited to be a daddy? I bet you're wishing that you'd taken care of that baby when I assigned it, huh?"_

_James combated her overly eager grin with one of his own. "Nope. Logan said his kept him up all night and I like my beauty sleep."_

"_This is usually something that I have to tell moms-to-be, but I guess I'll have to tell you too. Your beauty schedule goes out the window the second that your child is born. That baby is your priority, not that gorgeous head of hair of yours."_

_James' hands flew up to grip his hair in response, but he eased them down. "Well if it's what I have to do for the baby, then I'll do it."_

The pair was silent as they pulled back into the motel's parking lot roughly four hours later. Kendall smiled as James killed the ignition.

"The movie wasn't that bad, was it?"

James shook his head. "I guess not, but I watch movies to relax. Not to read the dialogue scrolling across the bottom of the screen."

"You liked it," Kendall said as he shoved James playfully.

"It was pretty good," he admitted with a smile. "The lead guy had a cool mustache."

"I liked it myself. I'm thinking about growing one like it," Kendall announced.

"Yeah… Don't…"

Kendall smirked and glanced down at the clock with a sigh. "It's getting sorta late, so I'm gonna head in."

James nodded and watched as Kendall turned to exit.

"Wait!" he called without realizing he'd done it until Kendall looked back. He swiftly pressed a chaste kiss to Kendall's lips and cleared his throat. "Logan might be… Uhh… Watching from the window or something… Gotta be convincing…"


	11. Probably better than before

**More flashback than anything else, but IDGAF**

* * *

Kendall was awoken the next morning when Logan chucked a pillow towards his head.

"Your phone has been ringing nonstop for an hour! It woke me up!"

"Sorry," Kendall mumbled before rolling over and burying his head into his pillow. He was about five seconds away from falling back asleep when his phone rang again. He blindly fumbled on the end table next to his bed before his fingers wrapped around the offending object. "This better be important."

James' voice spilled from the speakers. "Did you just wake up?"

"Mhm... What time is it?"

"9:30," James replied with a laugh. "Aaron and I are about to grab some breakfast over at Denny's and I remembered you're staying across the street. You wanna come?"

Kendall rolled out of bed with a sigh. "Lemme brush my teeth and I'll meet you guys there."

_Kendall had a hard time getting a good night's sleep after James went back to Minnesota. He had no idea why. It wasn't like he and James were sharing a bed. They hadn't for upwards of three months, but Kendall had clung on to the hope that James would come to his senses and crawl back into bed with him to keep his sanity. Maybe it was the fact that that was no longer a possibility. Maybe it was the fact that he had taken to watching James sleep whenever he woke up in the middle of the night. Whatever the reason, Kendall was losing too much sleep._

_Mrs. Knight noticed and asked Kendall if he had any idea why. He fed her a story about how he was too cold and it was in __**no way **__because of James leaving. She bought him another blanket, but his sleeping didn't improve.__  
_  
Kendall could see James standing in the Denny's parking lot when he opened the motel room door. He bit back a smile. James looked incredibly adorable standing there hand in hand with his young son, but Kendall would never admit it.

"Hey," James said with a smile as Kendall approached.

"Hi!" the little boy next to James yelled.

James picked him up. "Aaron, this is my friend, Kendall." He turned to Kendall. "And this is obviously Aaron."

"Doesn't look much like Jo," Kendall said, mostly to himself.

"Pancakes!"

James smiled. "Okay, Aar bear. Let's get ya some pancakes."

_James had been gone for close to a month before Kendall got himself another girlfriend. It was the blonde Jennifer and the more Logan, Carlos and Camille advised him against it, the better of an idea it had seemed._

_She was a lot more demanding than James or Jo had ever been. When she didn't like the shirt he was wearing, he'd have to change it. When she didn't like his hair, he had to visit __**her**__ hairstylist. When he wanted to watch a movie, she could always think of a __**better**__ one for them to watch. She was probably the worst thing for Kendall and that was just the way he liked it._

"You really don't have to wipe his face off every time he gets a little syrup on it," Kendall said with an amused smirk after watching James **once again **clean the few drops of syrup from Aaron's chin.

James glared at Kendall briefly before he resumed scrubbing Aaron's face. "Dirty is one thing; sticky is a whole other. Aaron cries when he's dirty."

"He's a baby; babies cry about everything! Plus, I don't blame him for crying when he gets dirty. It means you're about to attack his little face with a napkin."

James laughed. "You don't get it because you don't have a kid."

"And I'm not planning having kids any time soon."

"Not everything goes according to plan…"

_He was devastated when she broke up with him. He hadn't done anything wrong; Jennifer had just walked up to him one day and said "Eww. We're done."_

_Logan kept telling Carlos that, from a psychological standpoint, Kendall was only expressing his repressed feelings over his breakup with James. Kendall denied it outwardly, but he knew inside that Logan was probably right._

_He cried for two days straight without leaving his room for any reason other than to go to rehearsal. He didn't eat. He didn't sleep. It was almost like someone had died and his grieving process had just begun._

Aaron squirmed in his seat. "Park!"

James shook his head. "I've gotta get to work with Grandpa and you've gotta go play with Grandma. I'm sure she's wondering where you are."

"I can take him to the park if you want," Kendall replied with a small smile. "Then I can swing him by to be with your mom."

James shook his head. "Nah... You don't have a car and I don't think he can walk that far."

"I'll carry him then! Please?"

James bit his lip. "I don't know..."

Kendall looked at Aaron. "Do **you** want me to take ya to the park, hon?"

Aaron nodded his head vigorously. "Yes!"

"Alright," James agreed with a resigned sigh. "Don't hurt yourself, little man."

_It took two more months for Kendall to realize how much he truly missed James. Knowing James was only a phone call away, he made up his mind to call him. His phone felt extremely heavy in his hand and he prayed James wouldn't pick up. Luck wasn't on his side and Kendall picked up on the second ring._

_"Hello?"_

_"I miss you..." Kendall whispered into the phone. "I miss you so much, Jamie."_

_"I miss you too."_

_Kendall smiled to himself. "Really?"_

_"Really," James replied softly._

_"Then come back. Come back to LA..."_

_"I can't," James said, his voice cracking in the process. "You know I can't!"_

_"Why not?" Kendall yelled as he slammed his fist into the wall next to him. A small hole resulted, but Kendall didn't even give it a second look. "You said you missed me! If you miss me so much, why won't you come back?"_

_James paused for a few minutes before he sighed loudly. "I have a responsibility to this baby and Jo!"_

"_Fuck that!"_

"_You're being ridiculous, Kendall!"_

"_I made a mistake," Kendall admitted softly. "You made a mistake too. I forgive you and I want… No… I __**need **__you to come back! Please, Jamie… Just… please…"_

"_I already told you that I can't…"_

_Kendall hung up the phone and frowned. It was in that moment that he decided that he'd never talk to James Diamond again, even if it killed him._

"Your dad and I used to be close friends… Really close friends," Kendall told Aaron who was excitedly running towards the park. "We're barely friends now, but we're gonna fix that. **I'm** gonna fix it. We'll be good friends again. Probably better than we were before. I promise."


	12. Actually starting to forgive you

**I haven't updated this in forever, so here's a chapter. happy freaking new year.**

* * *

James was pretty sure that this was the angriest that he'd ever been with Jo. She woke him up at 3:30 am so that she could send him to the store with messy hair and wearing sweats. He probably would have been angrier if the reason that she was sending him to the store had been for any reason other than to pick up a pacifier for Aaron who has lost his and refused to sleep without it.

He decided to pull up to Sherwood's grocery store because it was the closest to his house. There were a lot of memories tied to this place so he tended to avoid it, but he was running on less than three hours of sleep at this point. Work was in five and a half hours and he couldn't think of a place that he would rather be than in bed.

The cashier didn't look much like he wanted to be out of bed either. He had a scowl on his face and didn't look up as he rang up James' purchase.

James was amazed at how painless this was turning out to be when he walked out to his car and saw a shaded figure standing next to it. He cursed under his breath. He didn't want to have to deal with whoever thought that it was a good idea to be lurking in a parking lot at three in the morning. He was about to head into the store to get a security guard to get the person to stop loitering next to his car when a familiar voice rang through his ears.

"It's kinda hard to believe that this is where all our drama started, huh?" Kendall said with a smile that James could see even in the dimly lit parking lot. "When I called Gustavo, it was supposed to make everything _perfect_, but it just ended up fucking everything up in the end…"

James was silent for a few seconds. "Are you stalking me or do you frequently hang out in parking lots when you should be sleeping."

"A little of both, actually," Kendall replied stepping closer to James. "To tell you the truth, I've been hanging here for the last couple of nights." Kendall took another step closer to James so that their chests were touching. "I'm glad you're here though because there's something that I've gotta tell you."

_If Kendall had to pinpoint the moment when he first realized that he was in love with James Diamond, he'd say he was twelve. He'd tell you that their hockey team had made it further in the playoffs than they'd ever been before. He'd tell you that they were one goal away from the hockey championship. He'd tell you that James was open. He'd tell you that he passed the puck to James. He'd tell you that James had a clear shot. He'd tell you that James missed by a long shot. He'd tell you that he knew that he was in love with James Diamond because he was more concerned with making sure that James was alright than he was with the fact that all the team's work had gone down the drain._

James swallowed thickly and nodded.

"We have to leave tomorrow, back to LA. Gustavo organized a concert. Our plane leaves in a few hours and then I'm gone."

James nodded, so Kendall continued.

"The question is whether or not you want me gone for good."

"Kendall," James started, but Kendall cut him off.

"Can you answer a question for me?" Kendall asked. He continued before James could reply. "Does Jo know how ticklish your hips are?" he asked as he playfully dragged his fingertips along James' hips. "And does she know how sensitive the area behind your ears is?" He softly nibbled at the area, causing James to shudder. "Tell me what you want right now. Not what you'll want tomorrow and not what you'll want next year. What sounds good to James Diamond _right fucking now_?"

"You," James muttered as he pressed his lips to Kendall's lustfully. "You sound pretty damn good right now."

_If James had to pinpoint the moment when he first realized that he was in love with Kendall Knight, he'd say that he was thirteen. He'd tell you that they were sitting in Kendall's room working on their math because he was more focused on the fact that Kendall had touched him than he was with the fact that his hair probably looked like homework together. He'd tell you that they were spending more time playing video games than they'd spent working out the actual equations. He'd tell you that he was kicking Kendall's butt. He'd tell you that Kendall was a sore loser and messed up his hair. He'd tell you that he knew that he was in love with Kendall Knight when he was more concerned with the fact that Kendall had touched him than the fact that his hair looked like crap._

Kendall smiled against James' lips before pushing him away. "Logan's spending the night with his grandma tonight, so he won't be at the motel. We could have some fun…"

James nodded at Kendall. "Well, car's right there, Knight."

_Kendall realized that he'd never get over James when he was sitting in his room about four days after James had gone back to Minnesota. He was sitting alone in his room and playing his guitar. He was playing the same song over and over again. It was the song he'd written for James. He was going to play it for James on the night of their anniversary before everything went downhill. After everything that happened, he just planned to play it for him when they eventually got back together. Sitting in his room, he was wondering if anyone besides him would ever hear it._

James was barely able to get the car parked before Kendall's hands were all over him. It felt normal, almost like the two had never stopped fooling around in the first place. Kendall almost dropped the motel room key as he tried to open the door. He threw open the door and saw that the light was on. It struck him as a bit odd, but he disregarded it. The housekeeping must have left it on when they cleaned the room.

Kendall and James entered the room with their lips connected. They had just made it into the doorway when giggling caused them to jump apart. They turned to the source of the noise and saw Carlos and Logan making out Logan's bed.

"What the hell is going on here?" Kendall yelled, causing Carlos to fall off the bed.

"I think I know what's going on here," James said with a frown. "I don't know why I didn't realize it sooner…

_James realized that he'd never get over Kendall on the day he married Jo. His mom was adjusting his bow tie and rambling on and on about how she didn't think this day would ever come. He never told her about him and Kendall, but he was pretty sure she knew. She was probably thanking her lucky stars that she'd found a way to make him marry a 'nice young woman'. He knew marrying Jo would be easier than it would have been to try to marry Kendall. Maybe easy wasn't what he was after._

How the hell could I be so damn stupid?"

Kendall raised his eyebrows. "You could explain it to me because I don't have any idea what's going on either…"

James laughed, but there was no humor behind it. "I think you know _exactly _what's going on. Don't act like you don't; like it wasn't your plan all along to make me look like a complete dumbass."

"What are you even talking about, Jamie?"

James shook his head and walked towards the door. He was gone for a second, but stuck his head back in. "And to think, I was actually starting to forgive you."

The door slammed shut and the room was immediately launched into an awkward silence before Kendall sat down on the foot of Logan's bed.

"I think you two have a hell of a lot of explaining to do."


	13. Something I should have done

**Short update is short.**

* * *

Kendall stayed quiet as Logan and Carlos explained the details of their plan. He simply nodded in all the right places and let them trip over their words as they tried to make everything sound okay. Kendall believed their story; that they'd only done it to get him and James back together because they'd been insisting for the last few years that he should give up and forgive James. There were plenty of times that he was willing to do that, but couldn't manage to work up the courage to do it. It was too late now.

Gustavo was the one who was excited for the show the boys were about to perform in. He met them at the airport with a limo to take them straight to the venue. It didn't take him long to realize that the boys weren't half as eager as he was to get to the show.

"Wipe those frowns off your faces, dogs," he said as he pulled up to the venue. "This won't take too long and you'll be on your flights back to Minnesota in less than three hours. You need to smile for the fans."

_Kendall plastered a s__mile on his face and turned to Gustavo. "There isn't enough money in the world that could get me to go back to Minnesota."_

_"This is amazing," James said breathlessly. "You're amazing! I can't believe we're going to LA to record some demos and become famous!"_

_Kendall smiled. "Believe it. Three years from now, we'll be playing to sold-out arenas to thousands of girls chanting our names."_

_James laid down on his bed with a dreamy look in his eyes. "Do you really think they'll like me?"_

_"Yeah," Kendall replied with a grin as he laid down next to James. "I bet there will be twice as many girls screaming your name than there will ever be for me, Logan, and Carlos combined. Trust me."_

As Gustavo and Kelly went over the set list with the guys one more time, Kendall couldn't help but focus on the screams of the girls who made up the crowd. Screams of 'Kendall', 'Logan', and 'Carlos' rang out through the entire arena. It was nothing like the prediction he'd given James right before they left for LA. He knew he'd be hard pressed to find a girl in the crowd who'd even heard of Big Time Rush before James left.

Kendall wondered to himself if things would have been different between him and James if he'd never tried to make James' dreams come true; if they'd just stayed in Minnesota until graduation. Would they still be together? …Would James still care about him as much as he cared about James?

"You ready for this?" Logan asked, snapping Kendall out of his thoughts.

Kendall gave Logan the fake smiled that he'd grown so accustomed to wearing. "Hell yeah! This is going to be amazing!"

"_How come you gave up so easily?" James asked as he and Kendall laid in bed after their first concert. "Just because Griffin said that the band was over and sent us back to Minnesota didn't mean that you had to give up. People telling you no usually makes you fight harder!"_

_Kendall bit his lip. "Griffin means what he says… There's no fighting it. Even if I would have fought it, I woulda failed and you know how much I hate failing…"_

"_You gave up on my dream, my future, just so you wouldn't __**fail**__?"_

_Kendall nodded silently._

"_You know, Kendall… Sometimes I don't know what matters to you more: me or what other people think of you."_

"_It's you!" Kendall replied quickly. "It's definitely you!"_

_Kendall hoped that he sounded believable because it sure as hell didn't sound like it to him._

Kendall was supposed to repeat what Gustavo had told him to say after they performed "Big Night". He knew that all eyes would be on him. He knew that everyone in the audience would be hanging on his every word. He knew that if he had something important to say, he could say it now and have a ton of people hear it. Sure, Gustavo might be mad at him for not doing what he was supposed to, but since when had it mattered to him whether or not Gustavo was angry.

"Hey guys," he said into the microphone as all eyes focused on him. "How are you all doing tonight?"

The crowd erupted into as roar and he smiled.

"How many of you guys are taping the show tonight?"

About a third of the crowd raised their hands.

"Great because I've got a message for someone and I know that if I tried to tell them myself, they'd just ignore. So I need you guys to upload this to Youtube and you need to get it as many hits as you can so that he can see it."

"What are you doing?" Logan asked as he leaned over to Kendall.

"Something I should have done a long time ago," Kendall replied as he brought the microphone back up to his face. "There's this guy named James Diamond. He used to be in the band with us and he's the only reason that we're here. This was all _his _dream… We went to the audition because of him. We became a band because of him. We stayed a band because of him."

"You don't have to this," Carlos mumbled. "I'm sure that a simple apology would be sufficient…"

Kendall ignored him and continued. "James and I started dating in the 9th grade and I loved him. I didn't want to admit it, but I was. I still love him, but I messed everything up. I was dating this girl and I promised James that I'd break up with her, but I never did. He got mad and slept with her and then we didn't talk for almost three years. Recently, we've been hanging out and I think we were actually starting to fix things. Some things happened and I won't go into any details, but everything got fucked over. Now, he hates me."

Kendall walked over to the middle of the stage. "I just wanted to say that I love James Diamond and I don't give a fuck who knows."


	14. I bet I do it better

Kendall never considered that there might be consequences to his actions until Gustavo was up in his face and screaming after the concert.

"You've been making a lot of dumbass mistakes lately, Kendall, but I think that this one may take the cake!"

Kendall plastered on a smile and raised his eyebrows in an attempt to look unconcerned, but this was the angriest that he'd ever seen Gustavo get.

"You say what I tell you to say, not what your _heart_ tells you to say!"

Kendall rolled his eyes.

"You're taking it back," Gustavo said matter-of-factly as he stepped away from Kendall. "Good Morning America called me and told me they wanted you on tomorrow morning to discuss all of your recent shenanigans. I'm sure they'll know _all_ about this in time for your interview and you're taking it back."

"No!" Kendall yelled angrily. "I finally said what I mean and you're telling me that I have to take it back? There's no chance in hell that I'm taking it back!"

Gustavo laughed. "You will if you and your friends like having a job."

Gustavo stormed out of the room and Logan put his hand on Kendall's shoulder.

"Just do what you've gotta do," Logan said and Carlos nodded in agreement. "It isn't like there aren't other jobs out there that we can do."

Kendall knew exactly what he had to do and that was making a quick trip back to Minnesota.

_The first time that Kendall heard James sing, he knew there was something big there._

_The four boys were riding in Mrs. Diamond's minivan on their way home from hockey practice. The day's practice had been so brutal that Carlos and Logan were leaning against their windows fast asleep. Kendall had his eyes closed, but he was nowhere near sleep._

_James was sitting up front next to his mom. He glanced back and, thinking that his friends were all sleeping, begged his mom to let him turn on the radio. She smiled and gave in almost instantly._

_Kendall's ears were suddenly filled with the infectious beats from the familiar pop song that was flowing from the speakers. Then the singing began. Instead of only hearing the singer's auto-tuned voice, another voice overpowered it. Kendall was pretty sure that it was the best singing that he'd heard in his life._

_He opened his eyes and realized that the singing was coming from James. He decided then that he'd make sure that he'd hear that voice again._

James was asleep when there was a knock at the front door. He opened his eyes slightly to see if it had awoken Jo, but she didn't shift in her sleep. He sighed and got up to answer it.

He could hear the pouring rain beating down on the roof and wondered who was crazy enough to be out in that weather.

He opened the door and remembered that he knew one person psycho enough to think it was perfectly normal to be out when it was pouring down rain this late at night. Kendall Knight.

"What are you doing here?" he asked softly as he stared at the rain soaked boy.

"I did it. It took me five years, but I finally did it."

"Did what?"

Kendall smiled. "I admitted that I love you. I admitted it to the world and I finally admitted it to myself..."

_"We should join the choir," Kendall suggested one day at lunch. "It'll be fun!"_

_"I can't sing," Logan replied with a skeptical look._

_"Neither can I," Carlos said. His gaze looked more confused than skeptical._

_"It sounds like a good idea to me," James announced as he stood up. "Let's go blow some people away." He smiled and walked off, not bothering to check if the other three had followed._

_The choir was already in session when the boys showed up and the instructor gave them a skeptical look as they walked in._

_"We wanna join the choir," Kendall told the instructor with a grin._

_The instructor shook her head. "I've heard things about you four. This choir is not a joke."_

_"We don't think it's a joke," Kendall said, elbowing Carlos in the ribs when he giggled. "We just want to sing."_

_The instructor rolled her eyes. "Grab some song sheets and go stand with the other students. If at any point I feel that you four aren't taking this seriously, you're out."_

_"I'll take this seriously!"James replied instantly._

_Kendall stood next to him and, listening to him sing for the rest of the rehearsal, decided that he'd take this as seriously as he had to if it meant that he could listen to James sing._

"Say something," Kendall said after standing in silence with James for a few minutes.

"What do you want me to say?" James muttered so quietly that Kendall had to strain himself to hear it.

"That you love me? That you forgive me? That everything's okay? Tell me that everything's fine!" Kendall pleaded as tears slid down his face and mixed with the rain that still coated it. "I need you to tell me that everything is okay because I'm putting myself on line for you and nothing feels okay! I need you to tell me that I didn't make a mistake tonight when I told my biggest secret to a crowd of people of people that I don't know! I need you to say that this is worth throwing away my career for! I need you, James! I need you more than I've ever need anything in life!"

Kendall laughed. "You don't care though, do you? You've got everything you need. You've got a wife and a kid. I bet you guys are saving up money right now to move out of this shitty apartment and you're gonna buy a nice three bedroom house. You're gonna get a picket fence and a pet dog named Max too, aren't you? Just the perfect suburban family," he spat out as he stepped close enough that James could feel the dampness of his clothes. "Well, the perfect suburban family if you forget all about Daddy's teenage years spent fooling around with his best friend."

James sighed. "I think you need to go, Kendall."

_It was about two weeks after they'd made it to LA and Kendall couldn't sleep. He tried counting sheep. He tried warm milk. He tried reading. He was pretty sure that he'd tried every remedy that his mom had ever used on him and none of it was working._

_Kendall just wanted to sleep._

_He was sitting at the foot of the bed and staring at nothing in particular when he felt James moving up near the headboard. He didn't notice that James had been doing anything other than rolling until he felt his familiar arms wrap around his waist._

"_You still awake?" James asked as he pressed a soft kiss to the top of Kendall's head._

"_Can't sleep," Kendall mumbled as he leaned against James' chest._

_James nodded slowly. "What about if I sing you a lullaby?"_

"_Sure," Kendall replied, trying to hide his eagerness._

_Kendall doesn't know when he falls asleep (he's pretty sure it's before James even makes it to the chorus), but he sleeps better that night than he thinks he ever has._

"Is someone at the door?" Jo asked as she walked up behind James.

"I think you know full well that there's someone at the door. You do have eyes, don't you?" Kendall mumbled as he stared down at his feet.

"Oh, hi, Kendall!" Jo said in a fake happy voice. "I haven't seen you in years!"

Kendall bit his lip and nodded.

"I think Kendall's been drinking," James whispered to Jo loudly enough for Kendall to hear. "I'm gonna give him a ride to the airport so that he can get home."

"I don't need a ride to the airport," Kendall announced as he turned to leave. "Have fun sleeping." He walked a few feet down the hallway and turned around to face the still open door. "Oh, and Jo? Have fun with your husband. Just remember every time you're lying in bed with him that I've probably done it a hell of a lot more times than you have and I bet I do it better."


	15. The greatest career boost

**Finally updated because I'm in a really good mood because I get to go see Aaron Gillespie and A Day To Remember soon :D**

* * *

Kendall anxiously tapped his fingers on the edge of the hard plastic chair that he'd been sitting in for the past ten minutes as he tried to calm himself down. Somewhere between the time that he was in hair and makeup and when he was being prepped for his interview, he'd managed to get himself more worked up than he had been in the first place. If he didn't pretend that he was out of his mind and didn't know what he was doing when he made that announcement on stage, he could get fired. If he told them that he was lying and didn't mean a word of what he said on stage, he'd get to keep his job, he might lose James forever. That was only assuming that he hadn't messed things up beyond repair last night.

"When did my life get so damn complicated?" Kendall wondered aloud. "Just once, I'd like to be able to go back to when my biggest concerns were what hockey teams were in the playoffs and what my mom was cooking for dinner."

He sighed and cradled his head in his hands until he heard the door swing open. He lifted his head and found himself face to face with a frightened looking intern.

"Are you ready to go on, Mr. Knight?" she asked softly.

Kendall forced a smile on to his face to calm the intern down. "Hell yeah! Let's do this thing!"

Because, after all, the sooner Kendall started the interview, the sooner it would be over and he'd never have to think about any of this ever again.

_Kendall never understood the appeal of flowerbeds filled with pebbles. He didn't think they were that attractive and he could probably do it a hell of a lot cheaper than they could get it done by someone who claimed to be a 'professional'. He could just dig you a ditch and fill it up with rocks for $20 tops. The Diamonds had four these flowerbeds and Kendall made a point of telling James daily how stupid he thought they looked, but they looked like the best idea that anyone had ever had._

_Kendall grabbed a handful of pebbles with his left hand and took one of them in his right hand. He threw it at the window and it hit with a soft tap. There was no movement in the room, so Kendall tossed a few more pebbles. _

_A light flicked on in the room after he'd nearly thrown the whole handful. The curtains and window both flew open and James stuck his head out. He eyed Kendall with a sleepy glare._

"_Can we talk?" Kendall called up with a small smile._

_James nodded. "Just be quiet," he said as softly as he could for Kendall to still be able to hear him. "If you keep talking like that, they're gonna wake up for sure."_

The seat that they had him in for the interview was a hell of a lot more comfortable than the seat he'd been sitting in earlier. Maybe it was a sign that he needed to relax. Logan was always telling Kendall that he needed to relax or he'd end up having a stroke and dying before he turned 25. Kendall racked his brain and tried to remember the relaxation methods Logan had taught him.

He was halfway through the only one that he could remember (breathing through his nose) when the male co-host whose name he couldn't remember for the life of him. He immediately stopped breathing through his nose and probably stopped breathing altogether. His heart jumped into his throat and he thought he was going to throw up. He swallowed the bile that was starting to build up and forced a smile on to his face for the second time that day.

"We'll begin the interview in about two minutes," the host said. "They'll be running a clip of your stunt last night and I'll ask you a few questions about it."

Kendall nodded, but the words that the host used hit him a little hard. Was that how everyone viewed his confession last night, as a stunt? That's probably how Gustavo viewed it too. He hadn't been very eager to say anything, but everything changed with that one word. He had to defend what he'd done last night and prove to everyone that it wasn't only a stunt.

_Kendall was sitting quietly on James' bed for about twenty minutes without the pair exchanging a word._

_"It's late," James said for no reason other than the fact that he wanted to lift the weight of the silence._

_Kendall nodded and stood up. "You're right. It's late and I should get home before my mom realizes that I'm gone."_

_James grabbed Kendall's arm as he attempted to retreat. "Could you tell me why you came here before you leave?"_

_Kendall shook his head. "It's not important."_

_"I think it is," James said with a frown._

_Kendall sat back on the bed and leaned back. "How much time ya got?"_

_James glanced at the clock. "I don't have to get up for five more hours, so I think you have a good five and a half hours before my mom comes in here and asks me what the hell you're doing here."_

"What was running through your mind last night when you when you said that to the crowd?" the host said the second that the clip ended.

Kendall opened his mouth, still not sure if he was really going to give the reply that Gustavo had orchestrated for him or pour his heart out to the reporter whose name he couldn't even be bothered to remember, and started talking. "I did what I thought I had to do."

Kendall was proud of himself for giving such a vague answer and it was probably stupid to expect the reporter not to question it.

"Elaborate," the host instructed.

Kendall bit his lip and mulled it over. "I was only being honest when I said that last night. I didn't think it would cause such a commotion. I still woulda done it. Even if I would have known what a jackass James was going to be."

There was a glimmer of hope behind the reporter's eyes, like he was getting a huge scoop and it almost made Kendall want to laugh, knowing that his love life qualified as such a big news story. Almost as much as it made him want to cry. "What do you feel that way about James?"

"Let's just say that after I denied our relationship for so long, it shouldn't bother me as much as it does that he refuses to admit to what we had."

"I see," the reporter replied and looked down at the pad of paper that he held in his lap. "You admitted recently that James has a child with your ex, Jo Taylor. Were you involved with both of them at the same point?"

Kendall nodded. "It's not that I was truly interested in Jo and things didn't go past kissing, but I was too afraid to break it off. I didn't break it off when James told me I should and he got his sort of revenge by having unprotected sex with her after he dumped me."

_"This is gonna sound dumb," Kendall said with a sigh. "Promise you won't laugh at me."_

_James nodded. "I promise."_

_Kendall mumbled something that James didn't quite catch and then started picking at the loose threads that hung from James' comforter._

_"I didn't hear you..."_

_Kendall sighed. "I said that I want to sleep with you and I don't mean that sexually. I just want to lay in your bed and sleep while you're sleeping... At the same time."_

_J__ames raised his eyebrows. "You want to sleep in my bed with me?"_

_Kendall nodded. "I wish I could. I wish that there was some place where you and I could go and just SLEEP!"_

_James bit back laughter. Kendall sure had an opinion on this topic. "Lay down then."_

_"Huh?"_

_"Lay down," James repeated. "If you wanna sleep, sleep. You just have to be out of here before my mom comes in at 5:30."_

_Kendall grinned and nodded. "5:30."_

_Kendall woke up at 5:29 the next morning and barely made it out the window before Mrs. Diamond came in to wake James up._

"_You shouldn't sleep with your window open," Mrs. Diamond had told James as she shut the window. "You'll catch a cold."_

_James nodded. "Sorry. I forgot that it was opened. It won't happen again."__  
__And that's the story that he stuck to nearly every morning then on until they moved out to LA._

The rest of the interview had been a breeze after Kendall had started talking. It had been over for four hours. Kendall sat in his hotel room and awaited a call from Gustavo that would seal his future. He just wished it wouldn't take so long.

He was about to give up all hopes that Gustavo would even break the news that he was fired to him when his phone rang. He picked up and Gustavo started talking before he could say a word.

"I should be angry with you," Gustavo began, sounding surprisingly calm considering who he was. "Do you know why I'm not?"

"Not really," Kendall replied. "Normally, you'd be exploding by now."

"Do you know how many calls I've gotten since your interview aired?" Gustavo asked and then answered himself. "Nearly 300. So many people want to interview you, write about you, and one company even wants to make a movie out of this. Let me break this down for you, Kendall. This is the greatest career boost that you could ever receive."

"Great," Kendall replied with a smile. "Where do I sign?"

He was going to make James regret the way he acted last night. Big time.


	16. Kendall had a plan for everything

**Once I start writing, I have trouble stopping until my writer's block comes back.**  


* * *

After knowing Kendall for so long, James should have known not to make him mad. He should have known that making Kendall mad was nothing short of a death wish. He would have known if he would have stopped for one second and thought about what he was doing, but James had acted on impulse. The only thing he could do now was to wait for the fallout.

He woke up at about 7:30 the next morning to something crawling into his bed. It was too small to be Jo and they didn't have any pets, so James was a little bit apprehensive to open his eyes. When he finally did it, he saw that it was only Aaron.

"How'd you get outta your crib, little man?" James asked with a small smirk.

"Climbed," Aaron replied. "Breakist time," he declared as he jumped off of the bed and ran off.

James sighed. He added getting Aaron a new bed to his mental to do list and followed him downstairs.

_James realized to things when he woke up; whatever room he was in was much too quiet to be in his house and his ribs hurt like hell. He opened his eyes and realized how much whiter this room was than in other he'd even been in. He immediately went into panic mode when he was able to process that he had absolutely no idea where he was._

_His panic only escalated when a voice that he had never heard before droned out in a monotone, "It looks as if he's coming to."_

_He tried to recall the last thing he had been doing. He was at the hockey playoffs and he had the puck. There were three seconds left on the clock and he was within shooting distance of the net. If he was able to sink it in, the score would be tied and they'd go into overtime._

_But what had happened after that?_

_A boy on the other team had knocked James into the boards and that's where his memory went blank, but he was sure that his team had to of lost because of him._

_He groaned and a nurse leaned over him with a smile as she fiddled with something on his IV._

_"Don't worry, sweetie. Here's some more morphine. Go back to sleep."_

_And that's where everything went blank for the second time that day._

James slid a bowl of oatmeal and a plate of sliced bananas in front of Aaron. Aaron smiled and happily munched away at one of the banana slices. James took a seat on the opposite end of the table with his cup of coffee in front of him. He turned on the TV and was barely paying attention when a familiar voice began to come out of the speakers.

'... Even if I would have known what a jackass James was going to be.'

James froze and dropped the remote. It landed on the table with a loud crash that snapped him out of the daze he was in. He cursed under his breath. He should have been expecting Kendall to do something like this. Kendall had a plan for everything and this couldn't have been any different. James just wished that he knew what Kendall was up to with this one.

'Why do you feel that way about James?'

'Let's just say that after I denied our relationship for so long, it shouldn't bother me as much as it does that he refuses to admit to what we had.'

'I see. You admitted recently that James has a child with your ex, Jo Taylor. Were you involved with both of them at the same point?'

Kendall nodded. 'It's not that I was truly interested in Jo and things didn't go past kissing, but I was too afraid to break it off. I didn't break it off when James told me I should and he got his sort of revenge by having unprotected sex with her after he dumped me.'

'What do you think James would say if he knew that you were speaking out about your relationship with him?' the male host whose name James could never seem to remember asked.

Kendall smiled. The network had censored his comment, but James knew enough to know that it was a certain four letter word.

'Is there anything that you want James to know?'

'I want him to know that I hope he's happy with what he decided to do,' Kendall replied with a scowl that said the opposite. Then his scowl turned into a smirk. 'I hope he realizes how much of a mistake it was.'

James turned the TV off and sighed. He didn't know if there was any more to this interview and he wasn't too eager to find out. He glanced over at Aaron who was wear a majority of the oatmeal that had been in the bowl and smiled in spite of everything else that had happened that day.

"Alright, kiddo," James said as he picked Aaron up, "bath time!"

_Consciousness was slowly returning to James. The sounds around him were slowly beginning to fill in. He could hear the beeping of the machine next to him and the soft roar of far off conversations. It was still shockingly quiet. His own breathing sounded like yelling in his ears. He could also hear another person's breath, but he knew that breathing better than his own. Kendall._

_He opened his eyes and saw Kendall seated in a chair directly next to the bed he was laying in. Kendall was tapping away at something on his phone, but stopped when he felt James' gaze in him._

_"Well, if it isn't Sleeping Beauty," Kendall said with a grin. "I was thinking I'd have to break out true love's kiss on ya."_

_James laughed humorlessly and looked at Kendall. "What happened?" he asked, hoping his memory was nothing more than something the morphine had caused his brain to come up with._

_"Some guy slammed you into the boards and you broke a few ribs."_

_James bit down on his bottom lip. "So we lost..."_

_"Yeah, but it's not that big of a deal," Kendall replied with a smile. "The doctor said you'll be all healed in a couple weeks and then we can work on your defense."_

_"You're not mad that we're not going to the playoffs?"_

_Kendall shook his head. "We've got two more years of high school for_ _that. All that matters is that you're okay."_

Aaron had begged James to play cars with him after his bath, so he was playing cars with Aaron when his phone rang. He glanced at the caller ID. It was Kendall. He had no idea why Kendall would want to call him after that interview he gave today, but he wasn't going to find out by not answering.

"Hello?"

Kendall gave a low laugh on the other end of the line. "Karma's a bitch, huh?"

"What the hell do you even give that interview for?"

"Gustavo made me," Kendall replied matter-of-factly. "And you have no right to be pissed at me. All I did was tell the truth."

"The truth?" James yelled. "That's funny. You only tell the truth when it's convenient for you!"

"Like you're any better!" Kendall replied. "Hell, I'd like to be there when you tell that bitch whatever lie you're going to tell her to cover all that shit I said up."

"Same thing I told her last night."

"What was that? Enlighten me."

James smiled. "That you're a drunk and a drug addict and you'll say anything if you think it could get you attention.

"Fuck you," Kendall said and James couldn't remember ever hearing Kendall this angry. "I called to ask you if you'd mind me doing more interviews, but I don't give a damn anymore. I didn't say everything on my mind this time. Be fucking prepared for next time. This is gonna be fun."

Kendall hung up and James stared at the wall for a few seconds. It was never supposed to be this way and it sure as hell wasn't better.

James just wanted everything to be _normal _again.


	17. Smelled so strongly of 'Cuda man spray

**I am not happy with this chapter at all and I've been trying to write Kendall/Dustin, but I can't and this is what happened. The flashback in this is awful, but I'mma put this up anyway.**

* * *

Kendall was ecstatic to get off the plane and into the limo back to the Palmwoods, but his excitement faded a bit when his phone rang, signaling that it was time for him to give another interview. At least Gustavo had promised that this was the last one for a couple of weeks. Gustavo didn't want the public to grow tired of the story. Plus, he told Kendall that it would give people time to speculate and James time to respond. Kendall was awaiting James' response with baited breath.

"What you're saying is that this is your way of coming out of the closet?" the reporter asked. She sounded young, fresh out of college, and Kendall could tell by her tone that she was sure that this story could be her big break.

"No," Kendall replied with a sigh. "I'm not gay or bi or anything like that. I'm a perfectly straight man with a thing for James Diamond. Hell, I'm pretty sure that if you asked around; there are plenty of other straight guys out there who'd tap that. He's got a nice ass."

"Mr. Knight," the reporter began, but Kendall cut her off.

"You can call me Kendall."

"Alright, Kendall, is this all a joke to you? I happen to have a picture in front of me of you making out with another man in a club a few weeks ago."

"I was drunk," Kendall said with a frown. "That's all that there is to it. I was drunk and I met a guy who looked enough like James that I could convince myself that it was him. He had the same haircut and he smelled so strongly of 'Cuda man spray that I couldn't _not _do anything."

"_I've got a surprise for you," Kendall announced as he walked up behind James and wrapped his arms around his waist._

"_Oh?" James said as he turned around to face Kendall. "And what would that be?"_

_Kendall stuck his hand in his back pocket and removed his wallet. He took two plastic cards out of it. He handed one to James and smiled. He didn't know what to expect, but it certainly wasn't the Logan-like look James was giving him right now._

"_Why the hell are you giving me this?" James asked with a frown. "What use do I have for an ID that says I'm 18 years old?"_

_Kendall gave James a mischievous smile. "I was thinking that we could get matching tattoos."_

_James raised his eyebrows. "Have I ever told you how psycho I think you are?"_

"_Almost daily."_

"_I can barely get a shot without freaking the fuck out and you think that I'll be able to get a tattoo without having a panic attack?"_

"_Yeah," Kendall said with a smile as he wrapped an arm around James' shoulders. "It won't be that bad! I bet it'll be kinda fun!"_

Kendall could hear papers shuffling on the other end of the phone line as the limo got closer to the Palmwoods. He heard the reporter take a deep breath like she was about to ask another question as the limo pulled to a halt in front of the Palmwoods.

"Listen," he said quickly before she could voice her question, "I just got home and I miss my bed. I'm gonna take a nap and I'll call you when I wake up. If I haven't called you by 6 pm, you call me, alright? We'll finish this up then."

The reporter made noise like she was about to object, but he hung up and prevented her from actually doing so.

The lobby was empty when Kendall got there other than Mr. Bitters standing behind the desk and looking bored. He gave Kendall a snide greeting. Kendall waved with all of his fingers and than one more time with only one of them.

He hit the elevator button three times in a row and then began drumming his fingers impatiently against the wall. He glanced up at the clock on the wall, wondering how long he'd been waiting for the elevators. It had been less than a minute, but it felt like forever. The elevator _should _have been there by now. There were only five floors anyway.

When the elevator finally arrived, Kendall stepped in and leaned against the wall after hitting the button for the second floor. He shut his eyes and waited for the elevator doors to shut. Instead, he heard someone screaming for him to hold the elevator doors. He ignored it though. Whoever it was might as well wait like he had to.

There was a shift in the elevator like someone had stepped in and he heard an annoyingly familiar voice a tad too close to his ear.

"Wow, Knight. You're just the person that I wanted to see."

_Kendall was finally able to lure James to the tattoo parlor with the promise that he wouldn't try to get James to do anything that he wasn't completely comfortable with. The trip was a success thus far. The man behind the counter seemed to buy Kendall's fake ID and was excited with the fact that he was planning on paying in cash._

"_So what you planning on getting?" the heavily tattooed man asked with a drawl that sounded slightly southern._

"_I just wanna get a little 'J' on my hip," Kendall said as he flicked his gaze to James. "For 'Jamie'…"_

_James bit his lip and started to blush. Kendall smiled because that was the exact effect he'd been hoping for._

_The tattoo didn't hurt very much. It tingled at first until it started to itch. There was a slight pressure, but other than that, Kendall barely felt anything at all. It was over before he knew it._

"_Is that it?" the tattoo artist asked when Kendall went to pay._

_Before he could answer, James put his hand on Kendall's shoulder. "Maybe I could get a small one…"_

Kendall's eyes flew open. "What do you want, Jett?"

"A simple 'hello' would be nice," Jett replied with a condescending smile that faded when he saw how Kendall was glaring at him. "Anyway, I just thought that I'd inform you that I figured out why Jo Taylor was never interested in me. It seems that you and James Diamond both have a quality that I seem to lack."

"Would that quality be intelligence?" Kendall asked sarcastically.

Jett narrowed his eyes. "I was actually thinking that it was the fact that I don't have a thing for cock."

"What do you mean?"

"I saw your interviews, Knight. I know everything."

"You're a lot more tolerable when you're not talking. Let's try that, okay?"

Jett laughed. "Now, Kendall, there's no reason to be a little bitch. It's not my fault that James would rather be in Minnesota with Jo than out here in LA. I can't say I blame him…"

"Shut the fuck up," Kendall growled.

"Don't be so rude. It isn't any wonder that James isn't in love with you anymore."

Before Kendall could process what he was doing, he had Jett pinned against the wall by his neck. "Take that back!"

"And what are you going to do if I don't?" Jett asked, still managing to sound cocky with most of the air squeezed out of his lungs.

"I'll fucking kill you," Kendall replied viciously. "And that's not a threat; it's a promise."

There was a beep that Kendall barely heard and then he heard Camille screaming before he felt her tearing his arms from Jett.

"Kendall, what the hell are you doing?"

Kendall stared at her for a few seconds with a blank expression. "Honestly? I don't know anymore."


	18. If I ever lost you

Kendall never saw himself as a vindictive person, so he had no idea why he was so goddamn intent on making James' life a living hell. He felt a small pang of guilt when he dialed his phone and a voice in the back of his head urged him to put it down the phone and forget that he'd ever wanted to make this call, but he ignored them. Kendall was just giving James what he deserved; what he'd been _asking_ for.

He held on to his cell phone like it was the only thing that was keeping him anchored to Earth. It rang three times before someone answered with a sigh.

"American Eagle, Jo Taylor speaking."

Kendall smiled to himself before he replied. "Hey, Jo! It's Kendall Knight and boy, do I have a lot to tell you!"

_"Do you love me?" Jo asked Kendall one night when they were lying in the grass and staring up at the stars after having gone to dinner together._

_"Of course I do," Kendall replied without looking up from the text message that he was sending to James._

_Jo sighed. "It's just that..." She paused. "Well, when we're together, you always seem to spend the whole time either texting someone or starting at your phone while you wait for whomever it is to text back."_

_Kendall grinned at Jo as he shoved his phone into his back pocket. "I'm all yours." Right as Kendall finished speaking, his phone made the beeping noises that signaled that he'd gotten a text message. He smiled sheepishly. "...in a second..."_

"I'm at work, Kendall," Jo replied.

Kendall could sense the hatred dripping from Jo's voice and he loved it. "I know you're at work, but I've got a secret or two about your _husband _that I thought that you'd care to know."

"Have you been drinking?"

Kendall laughed. "You really believed him? Huh… I woulda thought that you of all people would be able to see through that load of shit."

"How long is this going to take?" Jo said with a resigned sigh.

"Only a few minutes."

Jo paused for a second. "Alright," she finally replied, "but make it fast."

_"Who exactly is it that you're texting?" Jo asked with a frown._

_"Katie," Kendall answered a bit too quickly._

_"Right," Jo replied skeptically. "And what is so important that you need to ignore me?"_

_Kendall wondered if he could stem an answer off of his conversation with James, but looking down at the detailed explanation of what James was planning on doing to him when he got back to their apartment, he decided against it. "She's kinda depressed over our dad right now," Kendall replied, the lie rolling off his tongue so easily that it almost scared him._

_Jo frowned sadly. "I'm feeling like a total bitch now... Maybe you should go talk to her in person..."_

_Kendall nodded and pulled Jo into a loose hug. "I'll make this up to you, sweetheart," he said before shooting off a text to James that read 'im released from jos clutches! be up in a sec :)'._

"Let's start where you come in," Kendall said calmly. "I'd be lying if I said that I was never attracted to you. I was attracted to you from the second that I saw you, but it was never fair of me to date you. I was in love with someone else..."

"A girl from back in Minnesota?" Jo supplied.

Kendall laughed. "If I'd been in love with some random bitch in Minnesota, it wouldn't have affected you or that perfect little family that you and James seem so insistent on having." Jo was silent, so Kendall continued. "Let's take a look at the poor excuse for a family unit that you seem have going on. How would you feel if I were to tell you that I'd fooled around with a third of it?"

"You and I never did anything!" Jo snapped into the receiver.

"And we both know I never fooled around with little Aaron..."

Jo was silent again, but spoke up before Kendall could continue. "You're lying."

"What the hell would I gain from lying about this?"

_Kendall threw open the door to 2J and made a beeline straight for his and James' shared room._

_James was lying on Kendall's bed and wearing old sweats with one of Kendall's discarded hockey jerseys. Judging by the dampness of James' hair and the way his eyes kept sliding shut, he was about to turn in for the night._

_Kendall stripped down to his boxers and crawled into bed with James who snuggled into his chest._

_"I love you so much," Kendall mumbled as he lazily stroked James' hair. "I don't know what the hell I'd do if I ever lost you. I think I'd probably go crazy."_

Jo sighed. "I want the full story. Now."

"James and I dated for about two years before we came out here. That's when I decided that one of us needed to date a girl so that no one would figure out about us being together and fuck things up. You seemed like the perfect cover and you were." Kendall paused for a second and took a deep breath. "Except James decided after a while that it didn't matter if anyone found out and he wanted me to dump you. I was going to dump you, but it was your birthday and everything… So I didn't. And that's why he slept with you. Hell, that's why all of this shit went down."

"I don't know what to think about this," Jo admitted softly. "I think I need to talk to James…"

"Go ahead," Kendall replied. "Take all the time you need. Honestly, I don't care if you believe me. I know that I've told the truth."

There was a groan on the other end of the line that said that Jo _did _believe him.

* * *

**I hate to admit it, but this fic is almost over. 3 or 4 more chapters and that's it...**

**BUT I DO WANT TO ASK YOU GUYS IF YOU CAN HELP ME WITH SOMETHING! :D I have 93839085 fic ideas polluting my mind and it would help me write them if I could talk them out. So if you want to help me out with an idea (I have them for Kames and Cargan [there's also a partially done Cargan one-shot] and one isn't slash at all), you should either send me a PM or say that you want to help me in a comment and I'll PM you :3**


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